Tomorrow in a while

And another week goes by.

 

This week has been a bit of a rough one.. trying to avoid falling into a funk.

 

 

I guess mostly its a feeling of restlessness, and anxiousness… that tries to turn into a helpless and hopeless feeling when I let it.

 

 

Kiddo is out of school now. I thought we’d be moved somewhere else by now.

 

 

Then came the letter that in two weeks I’m crossing from regular unemployment to extended. Which really makes no difference other than having to send in a new form… but it means I have 20 weeks left to come up with something.

 

But not really. Because in worst case scenario, that gets me to halloween. The place where I’ve done seasonal call center work during 2 previous years starts the season training classes the first part of October. So I’m almost positive I can easily get on there for a third round if I have to… which would get me to just before Christmas.

 

But still. Just a reminder of how long and drawn out this whole deal is feeling.

 

 

 

But, then the trip I want to go on next summer back to Alaska started taking reservations this week. I ended up unhappily canceling the trip last summer at the start of this whole deal… but I hadn’t counted on how crummy it was going to make me feel to realize I still don’t have things together yet, almost a year later, enough to be planning ahead for much of anything.

 

Then the thought also came to mind that most jobs usually require a year before they grant vacation time. Meaning I’d have about 6 weeks to get something going now to be able to disappear for a week then. And, really, right now that’s feeling extremely unlikely.

 

About the only solution to come to mind would be to take the lowest paying, worst job if I have to here for the next year… fast food, sales… whatever, whether I’d hate it or be awful at it… then plan towards quitting when the time comes next summer, assuming that the job market can only look better a year from now.

 

But… really, the mere thought of another year here, and in the transition mode, makes me feel like crying. And I really don’t think I’d have enough hope and/or faith left after another year to do much but curl up in a defeated ball stuck in the pointlessness.

 

So that’s out.

 

Well it is if I have my say, which I’m not sure I do.

 

 

And to top off the pile, on the heels of the last one, I got to realizing… that by the time the trip comes around, my daughter will be almost 9. Halfway to 18. And I still feel like things have never settled completely down or gotten back where they should be from the whole mess starting before she was born. Even when things were the most stable, there was still the chaos of being on second shift with dealing with daycare, and the realization that the job could only be juggled until she reached school. 

 

 

I guess I’m just feeling a bit weary, and a bit pressured… and a lot like I wish things would hurry up and snap into place, or at the very least become clear enough I have some idea what pieces are involved and vaguely how.