The human heart is the most deceitful of all things…
Posted by blueraindrop on October 12, 2009
(these kinda overlap… but i’m going to leave it as it came..)
Things I’m having trouble getting from head to heart right now:
* gods long term goal is not the sidelines.
it sure feels like it right now. but, a player who doesnt play isnt of much use. yes, they may need sidelined at times for recovery, rest, correction, etc. but, its not the long term vision.
* that “he who has begun a good work in you” actually has a good work going. currently.
again… right now i’m kinda feeling like a toe. nice to have around for balance, not really all that noticed if its missing, and its main purpose really seems to be slamming into things that it should have known were there in the dark, and being sore from rubbing against things that don’t fit quite right. feeling a bit lacking in a sense of purpose and usefullness.
* i’m not supposed to be able to fix everything. Including messes that i made myself. i’m not expected to do things that I can’t do.
I’m human, god knows this, and he intentionally made me not capable of fixing everything by myself so that i would be reminded of my need for his help.
a child who has shattered a lamp might have consequences to avoid a repeat, and/or to make things up to the lamp’s owner…. but they would not be expected to unshatter the lamp.
i’m supposed to ask for help… to cry for it when needed… not to just feel hopeless because i can’t make everything new again, messes be unmessy, and all my world running just right.
* that he is willing to help.
yes, i know that he _can_ help. but _will_ he help in this case is sometimes a different question. and i know that when he doesn’t intervene there is a good reason in the long run… but i’m finding myself having a hard time being optimistic of my chances of getting help
as far as even correcting prayers, following the request immediately with “or give me a clue as to what direction i’m supposed to be going to try and fix this” which i’d say really doesnt show much faith in help being given.
they’re things i know logically…. in the mental part of my brain. most of them i know have a long train of verses to back them up that i can at least halfway quote.
(example, ps 81…
6 “Now I will take the load from your shoulders;
I will free your hands from their heavy tasks.
7 You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you;
I answered out of the thundercloud
and tested your faith when there was no water at Meribah.)
but right now, they are having a tough time winning over the heart and emotions of what i feel instead of what i know.
tlc4women said
A player who isn’t of much use? Who told you that? You are SO needed in the kingdom. Surely, there is a church program that needs you during the hours your daughter goes to school that will still allow you to job search. There is a woman who needs help to put a resume together, there is a shelter that needs people to serve a meal, there is a volunteer opportunity at school to help a child learn to read. Everyone is needed and useful and there are plenty of opportunities to serve. If you came to me today, I’d put you to work with as many hours as you could give. Then, guess what happens? Every single time I get a solid volunteer they get a full-time job and I have to pray a new one in. I know you can make a huge difference in the world. You are compassionate, strong, loving and you have a heart to see things change. You would be great working at CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate). CASA represents children in court. I could totally see you doing this.
blueraindrop said
tlc4women said
Feel it! Then go see what you can put your hands to do. There are so many needs out there and your compassion and love is truly needed.