Random story amusements

Parts of this story were just sort of striking me as funny this evening. 

 

2 Chronicles 18

 ⁶ But Jehoshaphat asked, “Is there not also a prophet of the Lord here? We should ask him the same question.”

 ⁷ The king of Israel replied to Jehoshaphat, “There is one more man who could consult the Lord for us, but I hate him. He never prophesies anything but trouble for me! His name is Micaiah son of Imlah.”

So if you have to choose between good news, or accurate but bad news…  lol

¹² Meanwhile, the messenger who went to get Micaiah said to him, “Look, all the prophets are promising victory for the king. Be sure that you agree with them and promise success.”

 ¹³ But Micaiah replied, “As surely as the Lord lives, I will say only what my God says.”

 ¹⁴ When Micaiah arrived before the king, Ahab asked him, “Micaiah, should we go to war against Ramoth-gilead, or should I hold back?”

   Micaiah replied sarcastically, “Yes, go up and be victorious, for you will have victory over them!”

 ¹⁵ But the king replied sharply, “How many times must I demand that you speak only the truth to me when you speak for the Lord?”

lol see? you want good news, and arent gonna listen anyway, he gives ya what you want to hear, and ya dont like that either! gotta love a sarcastic prophet! (well, at least when you arent the one he’s dealing with..)

 ²² “So you see, the Lord has put a lying spirit in the mouths of your prophets. For the Lord has pronounced your doom.”

 ²³ Then Zedekiah son of Kenaanah walked up to Micaiah and slapped him across the face. “Since when did the Spirit of the Lord leave me to speak to you?” he demanded.

how many off track leaders so sure they are right really wish they could pull off vs 23 smoothly.. lol

  ²⁹ The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “As we go into battle, I will disguise myself so no one will recognize me, but you wear your royal robes.” So the king of Israel disguised himself, and they went into battle   …

 ³³ An Aramean soldier, however, randomly shot an arrow at the Israelite troops and hit the king of Israel between the joints of his armor. “Turn the horses and get me out of here!” Ahab groaned to the driver of the chariot. “I’m badly wounded!”

uh huh. that “random” will get ya every time.

pigeons

Leviticus 5

 ⁷ “But if you cannot afford to bring a sheep, you may bring to the Lord two turtledoves or two young pigeons as the penalty for your sin. One of the birds will be for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering.

maybe this is why there are too many pigeons in some places… lol

All the fat…

Leviticus 3

 ¹⁶ and the priest will burn them on the altar. It is a special gift of food, a pleasing aroma to the Lord. All the fat belongs to the Lord.

 

the second part of this verse… could work well moved to a weight loss context.

actually, or on a card with a high cal gift of goodies… chop off the word “altar” and all before that.. lol

Random zombie plot?

Matthew 27

⁵¹ At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart, ⁵² and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. ⁵³ They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people.

 

just another tangent i wish was developed more.

but then, i suppose a random zombie movie plot would be a distraction from the point at this point in the story.

 

but still. 

what did they do hanging around for three days suddenly alive again? did they get to see the resurrection? 

it says bodies and mentions the tombs opening… but then says they “appeared”.. seems an odd word choice for physical encounters.

are they completely back alive, like, to stay alive until another physical death? were these recently dead, or just random godly people?

and what happens to them now? i suppose the baby church could have used “many godly men and women”, but still.. formerly dead ones?

Boxers?

Exodus 28

42 Also make linen undergarments for them, to be worn next to their bodies, reaching from their hips to their thighs.

 

i find myself surprised that this verse hasn’t been twisted and overemphasized into boxers being the only “acceptable” underwear.

i mean, really… its more clear about the reach to the thighs than most of the chosen twisted verses.

Favoring the poor

Exodus 23

3 And do not slant your testimony in favor of a person just because that person is poor.

 

It seems like most of the time we’re getting reminded not to oppress the poor. So this one struck me as interesting, being about the opposite.

Slanting things in their favor.. doesn’t specifically lie… and probably even has good intentions. But not fair and just anyway.

Given the context, I’d first assume this was meant regarding court. But its bringing to mind way too many media reports… putting a spin on what is said out of pity.

And they said?

Matthew 17

 1 Six days later Jesus took Peter and the two brothers, James and John, and led them up a high mountain to be alone. 2 As the men watched, Jesus’ appearance was transformed so that his face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as light. 3 Suddenly, Moses and Elijah appeared and began talking with Jesus.

this is another section that drives me nuts. tease us with knowing the conversation happened…. but give us no details.

i know… they are supposed to be symbolic of the law and the prophets… but still… even as symbols, they clearly said something.

what does a person who actually got out of experiencing death, and one that god himself both killed and buried, say to one who is soon facing an awful and undeserved death at the hands of the human sinners being saved by the process?

not that anyone really could relate to what he was going through entirely… but still…. these guys got out of here probably the easiest of anyone.

Connecting the stories

its sort of interesting to me where the story of joseph usually ends.

i mean, the common story seems to always end with the happily ever after… in egypt after the brothers have moved there and now have food… and god has turned their evil into good.

and i suppose we like happy endings. 

but it leaves a gap.

 

Exodus 1

 

 6 In time, Joseph and all of his brothers died, ending that entire generation. 7 But their descendants, the Israelites, had many children and grandchildren. In fact, they multiplied so greatly that they became extremely powerful and filled the land.

 8 Eventually, a new king came to power in Egypt who knew nothing about Joseph or what he had done. 9 He said to his people, “Look, the people of Israel now outnumber us and are stronger than we are. 10 We must make a plan to keep them from growing even more. If we don’t, and if war breaks out, they will join our enemies and fight against us. Then they will escape from the country.”

 11 So the Egyptians made the Israelites their slaves.

 

we pick it up later with moses leading them back out… but sometimes it seems like the connection between the various sections of the story gets lost.

for moses, we forget how they got to egypt in the first place… for joseph, we forget that the happily ever after ended after his life did, and that his descendants had consequences for being in egypt instead of back home.

 

i guess it just seems like a connection of more importance than we give it in our chopping into shorter sections of story.

And… and.. and?

Genesis 35:

22 While he was living there, Reuben had intercourse with Bilhah, his father’s concubine, and Jacob soon heard about it.

 

This verse annoys me.

Because that’s it. Nothing else is said about it in this chapter, and the next one goes into one of those lineage spells on the other side of the family entirely. 

You randomly tease us with the knowledge that with the huge leah vs rachel rivalry, leah’s oldest son sleeps with the servant rachel gave to her husband to have kids for her… just after rachel’s death… and jacob finds out about this… and then you don’t tell us what comes of it???

Sigh.

I know it probably comes into play somewhere along the line somehow. It just annoys me greatly to have a random interesting sounding tangent left completely unexplored to make me wonder.

Renaming

Ok.. so the place was named and renamed bethel. more renaming later..

 

genesis 35 still:

10 saying, “Your name is Jacob, but you will not be called Jacob any longer. From now on your name will be Israel.”^[a] So God renamed him Israel.

 11 Then God said, “I am El-Shaddai—‘God Almighty.’ 

 

Now this renaming thing is kind of cool though. Must be kinda interesting to have a name deliberately told to you by god (ok, so technically he was told after the wrestling a couple of chapters back, but still… even restated by god…) and to actually have people use it for you (before that whole secret name on a stone nobody else knows thing… which is cool too… but maybe not quite the same when it isn’t the common use name for you)

I wonder how that transition goes though. I mean, I’m sure it helps to change the mindset…. but can you imagine how confusing it would be to abruptly change your first name in an era when first names were the only main names?

And I have issues with using 2009 instead of 2008, in mid january. lol