Disappointing myself

Today has been one of those days.

I’ve disappointed myself more times today than in most entire weeks.

Went to doc for wrist this morning. Got released because basically there’s “not much else (he) can do if (I’m) going to keep working there”. Which, wasn’t a huge deal since the company held me to the same requirements on “light duty as tolerated” as when released to full duty. However… I’ve been getting by ok with the brace and medication twice a day on days I work. Without meds? This might not go well. I really should have stood up for my needs more knowing that nobody at work is going to care either outcome.

I followed this up with a trip to the store, where I managed to end up getting junk I didn’t really need because it was on clearance… after doing so good lately on that sort of thing. Do a really need a remote thermometer? Even if it is only 3 bucks? I then followed up by changing my mind on something I’d decided a while back I wasnt going to get, then followed that up by failing to stick up for myself again when the clearance wasn’t ringing up right, and the clerk was rounding, but not in my favor. I don’t know why I didn’t… maybe jsut pity for her having to mess with it and being bad at math… and it wasn’t like it was huge amounts…. but it probably did make about a 10-15 buck difference when added up.

Then back to work, where the HR person jsut took the paper from the doctor and said ok good and went back to her work. Even though it was written on there that I do still have the few minutes of break each hour, and the original paper she had given me from the company had only said they would honor them until this appointment. So, basically, while I have the docs note, I don’t have the company’s statement that they will honor it for sure if it ever gets challenged again.

Today was just day of the doormat I guess.

One of the biggest disappointments of the day was when I got home. One of the clearance items I got was a new scale, because mine had stopped working a while back. 40 scale, was marked to 30, was supposed to be 75% off of that should have been 7.50, not the 11 the clerk guessed… but 40 for 11 isn’t something I’m gonna complain about. Unfortunately, the numbers have not been going in my favor with the scale in the time I’ve been without a functioning one… really a big disappointment.

But really, the day sort of started off on this foot even before I hit bed last night. At mindnight I was still in 2 pm’s, neither of which were going well. One I got talked into agreeing to make a post for someone on a site she’s no longer a member of, that I pretty much know better than to get involved with her messes related to.

The second is kind of an ongoing thing. A friend, who in a different stage of my life was a bit more. And who makes sure I know the offer is still open to return there if I want to. Instead of just the usual thanks, we got into a discussion. And I had an opportunity to firmly close the door to that option. Which is what I should have done. And not what I did.

I think with that one, I leave the door open because I like to know that its there, just in case I ever want it. Somehow it makes me less likily to feel anxious to seek new doors if I know I have one around should I ever want it. But, its not fair to do that. And its not good to leave myself options open that I know I should never take. It only invites later risk.

But I made the wrong choice.

All day long it seems.

But for the most part, its over. What was done was done.

Goodnight today, and I’m glad tomorrow is a different day.

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