Handshakes

Normally handshakes dont bug me too much.

However, with my wrist acting up, its not particularly my favorite activity.

It struck me as a bit odd… that when I went in to see the second doctor… the one who specializes in things like tendonitis… he sticks out his hand for me to shake it, the hand that requires me to use my still throbbing and twitching at the time injured wrist to do so.

But today I got a weirder one.

I got a new supervisor a few weeks back. Where the other one pretty much left us to do our thing unless we were getting into grey areas with out stats, this one is much more hands on.

Normally this is fairly harmless… a paper pretty much every day, showing everyone on the teams stats identified by name instead of number (to shame those doing poorly i think more than jsut as information i’m starting to think)

But he also makes this big deal of calling us by name every single time we cross paths. this would be annoying anyway, but especially as he only remembers my legal first name from the paperwork…. which i dont use in real life basically ever.

So he catches me as i’m heading to the break room… and starts all but yelling about how he likes the improvement on my speed… good job… awesome… etc etc and as he does this, hes shaking my hand. not jsut briefly, but expendedly… and with a great deal of shake.

and, being break, and with as much as my brace makes my hand sweat and itch being on so much, i had it off at the time. so my wrist actually ended up bein sore as a result of this.

now, he knows my wrist is messed up. he sees the doctors-order-forced break times on my stats daily. we’ve discussed it before. half the time when he catches me its when im on these short breaks resting it (because where i sit is right by a walkway that his desk is also near, so he walks by relatively frequently)

i wish i were more confrontational sometimes. i probably shoulda said something to him when he was doing it. but i’ve never been skilled at doing things like that smoothly.

and, i did warn him that my speed is touch and go. its been up lately, but, as the wrist cooperates or not, it may very well not stay there. but i dont think he actually even listened to what i said.

i think i kinda prefer the leave them alone unless need creates a reason to do otherwise style of management.

Glad the elders are gone.

At some point, I was downloading new dashboard widgets… and grabbed one called chrysalis-a.

I couldn’t tell you how long ago. It seems like years.

The game seems simple enough…. control the temp in this little chamber and get the little guys to the right temp for their stage, and they develop.

But this thing takes f_o_r_e_v_e_r.

It long since got boring.

And I really should have deleted it several months ago… but it was one of those things where I’d already let it ru for so long and come this far… (Oh yeah, and cheated twice by google when I couldn’t figure out what the magic number was to get them moving along again).

But now…. my elders are gone. They finally grew up and left.

I suppose I should feel a victory. Instead, I’m just glad they are gone, and glad to have the extra space on my dashboard back!

I found it! Now can I justify it?

http://www.bookswim.com/

YAY!

I’ve found it… a decent netflix-style service for books!

The problem I’ve had with the others I’ve checked out has been the booklists. I don’t tend to read cheap romances or oprah’s list books, and few books I read are on any best seller list. So, like my local library, they carry only a handful of the ones I’m interested in…. those close enough to popularity to pass. If you want C.S. Lewis, you better like Narnia.

But, not only does a random search on a few authors pull up good stock of my interests on this one, but they have an offer that any in-print book they don’t have, they will get for you.

AWESOME!

But it comes down to this… at 15-20 bucks a month for 2 or 3 books at a time, can I really justify it? Because, honestly, I usually don’t spend that much per month on books. Most of the ones I am interested in tend to be older.. availible on ebay or half.com if I don’t run across them on a used book store run every few months.

But, I end up with a lot of books I really don’t want to keep all that much. I just wanted to read it. And a lot of them I knew going in that I wasn’t going to want to allot limited bookshelf space to keeping it… especially with things I’m reading mostly out of curiousity of the author’s viewpoints when I don’t agree with them. So while I’m only paying 3 or 4 bucks for the book, it might as well be a rental fee, because most of the time they end up in a donation pile anyway.

Unfortunately again, my reading interests tend to be too unpopular for places like paperbackswap to work well. Nobody ever seems to want the books I’m looking to get rid of. And ebay takes forever and a day to get bites after all the effort to get them listed and sorted out.

But, really…

I mean, I spend 20 a month on blockbuster membership. Books keep me amused much longer than a movie lasts, and usually with a whole lot more out of the experience in terms of value to my life.

But then, without the membership, we regularly pay 8 bucks or so a couple times a month for rental fees, plus the late fees and the last minute trips to return them get annoying. So I can justify the extra 4 bucks or so, particularly when with our pace that usually get us 6 movies by mail a month, 6 from the local store when returning them, and 2 free rental coupons a month. And, it lets me get the obscure movies that aren’t availible locally by mail, then get new releases and kids movies from the store… so it all works for a nice balance.

When I’m working full time, and know I will probably only manage at most 4 books a month, does it justify paying 15 bucks to borrow them vs owning them and having to find new homes for them to get them out of my hair later? And to not have to pay full price for the handful of books I can’t find used?

Interesting timing

Last spring, I happened upon a sale at a store that I didn’t realize was closing in the next week.

For like 2 bucks, I ended up bringing home a paper grocery bag full of used books. This actually inspired me to dedicate a shelf on my bookshelves specifically to unread books to keep them seperated.

So, during the year I’ve bought quite a few books intentionally, and those usually get read as soon as they get into my hands…. so then I grab a book off the shelf when I need something new.

I say all this basically to make the point that the book I picked up in the last week has been sitting around since probably March or so in a stack of unread books, and was basically just grabbed at random.

Following the last entry’s comments about car things… it was interesting to happen across this quote… in a discussion of men caring for women as husbands and fathers..

“You were never meant to be unprotected. I’m sorry that many of you never had a Christian father like this to care for you. I’m sorry that negligence on the part of men has left you vulnerable to mistreatment and abuse. I’m sorry you’ve had to assume the masculine traits neccessary to fight for yourself and to be your own protector. That isn’t God’s plan- it’s the consequences of our sin and disobedience.” (Joshua Harris – Boy Meets Girl)

Interesting to think about… but maybe a bit more so in the annoyance of the neighbor thing.

Rollercoaster afternoon

I had an interesting afternoon of ups and downs yesterday.

First came random physical ups and down of allergies being fine for a while, then massive sneezing and nose issues, then fine again, then worse… etc.

With feeling crummy, I used the system at work to request to be off after lunch…. which is normally fine when there is excessive staff (there was, by far), but it still got denied. Only to be send home 2 hours later than I had requested because there was excessive staff (duh…)

So I got home, and really didn’t feel like attacking some of the most needed areas on cleaning, but decided to work on the garage. One of those things that needs done, but usually doen’t get done. And I made quite a bit of progress… got some boxes sorted out that have been in there since we moved in, etc.

So I was feeling somewhat proud of my accomplishments.

I had just a couple of inches of windshield wiper fluid left in the jug, enough I knew it would probably fit in the car because it hadn’t been filled in a while, so I went outside and did that, and checked all of my other car fluids except antifreeze (car was still warm).

But as I’m doing so, I glance across the street.. and two neighbor ladies were out messing with flower beds and moving leaves around. And I happened to catch a look on one before they both noticed I saw them and turned…

I suppose I should mention this is an older neighborhood, where my parents at 50 are about the youngest ones on the block besides us and one rental house. So I can pretty much guess that neither of these ladies has never had a reason to have the hood of their car open by themselves.

But still… to me, being able to take care of my own minor things is something that I’m proud of. I don’t see it as something demeaning.

But that look… sigh. Unfortunately was enough to drag down my feelings of accomplishment. Even though I know that she and I live in such different worlds, such different lives… its still enough to made me feel bad.

I wish she would have just ignored me, stuck with her little flowerbed and her buddy next door and her world, and left me to my car maintaining-lawn covered in leaves with no intention of raking single parent trying to keep everything juggled world.

5 a.m. song

A really weird thing happened last night… ok, well, actually, this morning.

I woke up, out of the blue, to a song in my head. Not like I woke up and it happened to be there…. the song was like the focus.. I think the song is actually what woke me up.

(Even more odd when you consider that most of the time I don’t have dreams I remember at night… and the ones that I do remember tend to be special… but that’s another post).

I’ve only heard this song once before…. sat night, at the first prayer meeting i’ve attended at this church.

Which probably makes a good opportunity to go back and comment on that a little more.

The meeting was really interesting…. not what I think I expected, but very awesome.

Smaller meetings in charismatic churches can sometimes end up kind of interesting… so even though the church has seemed very well balanced and, well, sane… I think somewhere inside I was worried a bit… fearing a flashback to the way out in left field church meetings I guess

But this was very calm… very mellow… no jumping around, shouting, strange physical behaviors, anything of that sort.

But, yet, still probably the most intense meeting I’ve been to since probably high school or so.

It was sort of an ebb and flow thing…. silent prayer times, mixed with spoken prayer when someone felt led, mixed with worship songs with just a guitar and drum… not the songs commonly done on sunday, but older ones, selected as someone felt like they wanted to do that one. Sometimes they had it on the computer for lyrics, sometimes not… sometimes only 1 or 2 people knew a particular verse, but it went smoothly anyway.

The meeting in general really reinforced that this is the church where I need to be right now.

Though I think I caught myself a bit. As I mentioned in the really short post, I’m really starting to wonder if the sudden mental distractions that get into my head are actually a sort of a defense mechanism. If I’m actually creating them to deflect the intensity… like a random topic shift in a conversation to avoid the issue when it gets too heated for comfort.

So focus ended up being a bit of a personal focus, if you will. Something I’m still kind of batting around and wondering about.

But, back to the song.

I don’t think I’d heard it before… though, probably more likily, I’ve heard it and just never paid attention to it in particular enough to have much of a memory of it.

When I got home the other night, I googled for lyrics for two of the other songs that had caught me… but that one hadn’t crossed my mind…. and here it is, waking me from sleep with a weird urgency that wouldnt let me ignore it and go back to sleep for my remaining hour and a half.

I searched on a couple of lines, got a better title from that, searched again including the title, had an mp3 of it unexpectedly pop up and start downloading itself (gotta love safari) when I clicked on one of the results… let it open itself into itunes, and set it on repeat. but I think i fell back asleep before it even finished the second round.

Very weird. A sort of appropriate song to be doing that. But no less weird for being appropriate.

the song (if you were wondering by this point)
Light the Fire Again (Brian Doerksen)

Don’t let my love grow cold
I’m calling out
Light the fire again
Don’t let my vision die
I’m calling out
Light the fire again

You know my heart, my deeds
I’m calling out
Light the fire again
I need your discipline
I’m calling out
Light the fire again

I am here to buy gold
Refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won’t be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again

At least they are being nice…

I was called over to my mother’s house the other evening to fix a dvd player.

Fortunately, it was working fine… my mother just doesn’t know the difference between a standard dvd and an hd-dvd… and has a high enough budget as to not flinch and wonder why the movie was costing upwards of 30 bucks.

So, now she’s already opened the seal… usually the big thing on returns… and so I was less than optimistic when handed the task to go get the right copy.

I was surprised though…. best buy traded it out, no questions asked, though the difference was put on a gift card instead of as a refund.

Not like I ever go to best buy to use it…. as neither of the ones in this area are well located, usually understocked, and don’t match prices with cheaper places. But at least I didn’t have to hit ebay to try and sell the useless-to-mom disc that really should have been labeled much better.

Not that she would have realized what a bigger logo meant though if they had. Ah well I guess.