I was taking out the trash and apparently I stepped wrong. My ankle went one way, then the other, then lots of pain and I found myself sitting down but not sure how I ended up there, with a new bump the size of a golf ball sticking out of my foot which was rapidly turning blue, and very barely able to be stepped on.
Not at all good.
Trip to the ER the next morning surprised the drs that it didn’t appear to be broken, just severly sprained…. in the foot, not the ankle. IT was swollen up enouhg by this point that my oversized crocs were the only thing it would fit into…. and we were supposed to get more snow that night.
So they put a brace on it…. told me it would feel better in about 3 weeks and be healed in about 6… told me i could get crutches to use for the first week or so if i wanted to, and gave me a prescription for a strong pain med.
I was driving to work Friday morning… and something on the radio had prompted me to start praying. But somehow the topic went from being thankful for all He has done for me, to feeling like he made the wrong call with me. I know God doesn’t make mistakes like that, but sometimes, it sure feels like it. As muhc as I mess up…. as awful as I see myself in my worst moments, it can really seem like he’s wasting his time bothering with me.
I arrived at work… and the topic hadn’t entered my mind again, though, to be honest, it was something I’d been feeling for a while…. this was jsut the first time puttting it into words as such.
So sunday comes. I wasn’t using the crutches because of the snow, but I wasn’t walking well either.
We only like about a mile and a half from church. So, in spite of about 4 inches of snow, we went anyway.
Now, we’ve only attended there for about 9 months, and our church very much believes in the church members learning to minister to themselves as training to minister to the world, so as far as the main pastor, I’ve only spoken to him about 3 times before this sunday. (one of which is a story for another time… lol)
So, I sit down in the usual area where I normally sit, and he was still talking to someone from the first service…. but then afterwards, he comes over and starts a conversation with me about Christmas… and I mention my foot… and he asks if I would like him to pray for it.
So he puts his hand on my shoulder and prays for my foot…. but then, midway through, he puts his other hand on my head…. and goes, in a softer voice… “I feel like God is telling me you’re struggling with unworthiness, and He’s wanting me to tell you that you are worthy, and he loves you” and he continues for about a minute…. directly nailing exactly my thoughts from friday morning.
Thoughts that I had never admitted to anyone, and had barely even admitted to myself, let alone discussed with him when I’d barely even met him before.
I was still so stunned that all that I managed to say was thank you, and he was off to talk with and pray for another member before the service started.
My foot actually felt worse during the service because I was standing on it for some of the time…. but later that afternoon it got better. Not completely well, but well enough I can walk on it normally with just a touch of soreness, not really pain. Enouhg to remind me that its injured but not enough to slow down my activities much.
I’m starting to wonder if the foot injury was only to give me a more tangible reason for the prayer.