Creative lack of purpose

I think my biggest excuse for not being creative isn’t an excuse per se, but just a reason. And an attitude behind the reason. And a feeling behind the attitude.

The reason being that it’s hard for me to justify making time to do so when it’s just being done for personal purposes.. for my own entertainment instead of an intended benefit. And I find it hard to do things when I don’t have a larger purpose for them.

I don’t feel like I really have any particularly strong talent in a given area. By which I mean, if I were a really good painter, it would be easier to justify the time spent in painting as being of benefit to more than just my own amusement. If I had amazing skills at sculpture, it would then be easy to justify time spent using those skills. The benefit of the end product to others would give it a purpose, to then motivate the process and justify it.

I used to think that I was only creative when I was in a good mood and things were going well… but after a while I realized that part of the good feeling was from the process itself, which then helped my mood, which then helped everything else going on.

So it gets into the mindset of one of those art theories where the end product is irrelevant, art is just about the process of your expression in forming it. An experience, not an object.

But, when its just about experience… it’s hard to justify playing around with clay instead of getting the laundry folded, even if more pleasant and more likely to make you feel better.

Because as an experience, it only benefits you who experience it. Entirely selfish.

And something in that just doesn’t sit right with me. It’s a nice theory… it’s just not it somehow.

And the more I think about it, the more that I start to realize that if creativity and creation are only for the experience, then we are nothing more than god’s boredom… something he made to have fun on a week with nothing else to do.

And I know better than that.

But its harder to justify the small scale lack of purpose… to try to disconnect it into something entirely a different thing.. just an amusement… a different kind of thing… it just doesn’t work well.

So I get into this really weird place, of feeling like I’m wasting time that should be spent in productive things if I don’t, and wasting time and purpose that should be used towards more helpful things for the world if I do.

Somehow I’m betting the poor author of this book was expecting much more simple excuses. Just “I don’t have time” seems to be the flow of most of the posted responses of the others that were in the group.


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