A new funk spell has settled in the past week or two… one i’ve now nicknamed “not-fair-itus”
Yes, I know logically that life isn’t fair because it wasn’t supposed to be. And most times logic can deal with any stray “grass is greener over there” types of thoughts.
But lately…emotion is creeping a bit out of logic’s reach.
It’s hard sometimes.
Most times I’d be thrilled with a friend of mine finding a new and better job less than three weeks after being laid off. But right now? When I’ve been beating the snot out of every bush I can find trying to chase one down for quite a while? The twinge is there… the touch of emotion that’s totally wanting to act like a three year old and throw a fit over the lack of fairness.
And when the friend, who every time I talk to her tells me of how bad off they are, and makes their situation sound so much worse than mine… and yet, buys video games, a new laptop when the old computer was old but working and of course a new desk for that, and tells me about spending about 500 of EACH of her 4 kids on school clothes… again, the twinge.
And the one who goes on about how glad she is that school has started, and her plans to get her nails done and get massages and see movies and all of the other daily plans… dropping in a mention of the housekeeper being by 3 times a week in the summer… in a position to never have to work, and enjoying their time with kids in school with no job seeking worries and few budget ones….
The friend who complains about lack of free time with kids around in the summer, but who has a weekly date night kid free every week, has another night kid free weekly for a bible study, and has actively involved relatives that watch the kids for every single excuse she comes up with…. so that she’s never had to take them along to really anything, or had to choose not to do things that didn’t have child care available.
The friend who can’t understand why I have a hard time finding a job cuz she’s had several in that time…. of course, married with no kids they have all been part time, low wage, and some during evening hours… none of which could ever support a single parent household at those wages and hours without juggling about 3 of them at once.
And the friend… who makes expensive purchases… but has their parents bail them out repeatedly to make sure they can still do what they want without being constrained by silly money issues from it. vacation is never cancelled.
And when the brother… down to only one working car due to negligence.. who chooses to spend 200 per hour for a party bus for the evening for a birthday… instead of fixing the other car they own… and yet when the one running car breaks down an hour away, gets it towed for him all the way home without him having to pay any of the bill…
Most times I’m ok with it.
Most times I know comparison only hurts me, that they have issues too, that most of them clearly aren’t any happier with their outcome, that everyone has to run their own race.
Most times I’m confident with the choices I make, even when I know its the less easy path but the responsible one.
But lately just hasn’t really been one of them in some cases. Not all, but some.
And I know it’s not the right response, and I know its not a good thing to let envy and/or jealousy start festering out of the frustration.
But its definitely a lot harder to remove than it is to identify when it starts feeling like a justified response.
(I really oughta make a category for “whining”)