Hard does not equal Can’t

One of the things that is helpful about having an official diagnosis with kiddo and her issues is that it helps things make sense sometimes.

The smaller pieces that seem unrelated show their place in the big picture more easily. Reading back over old posts to adjust to the new categories made me realize a lot of things that connect without my realizing it at the time.

But the bad side… the biggest bad side for us so far anyway… is the issue of “can’t” vs “isn’t trying”

The label turns into a scapegoat… that she then tries to use and claim she isn’t capable of things which are harder for her… rather than putting any effort at all into trying.

Bad behavior goes from something that she could do better if she focused on trying to do better, and now becomes something that she likes to claim she has absolutely no control over.

There’s still a spectrum… yes some things are asking too much, and yes some things are more effort than they are worth and thus better avoided. But there’s still a lot of room in the “could do if wanted to, but would rather not” grey area that I know better than to believe is unreasonable to ask, but get nowhere with convincing her otherwise.

It’s frustrating me greatly sometimes trying to get her to understand the difference. But even more so when sometimes others in her world don’t seem to get it either.


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