Calling it out

So much drama…. so many pity parties… so many seeming alliances changing directions…such a crazy family.

At the moment, a family member who has lived rent free and bill free for more than 12 years, including 2 years in a house alone with bills paid by my grandma in the name of “helping them get back on their feet”, is well into pity-me mode… declaring that they are going to go live in their van.

Because the house where they were living will have electricity in grandma’s name turned off in the next two weeks from not having been paid the month before she died, and the house will be sold in the next six months or so at which point they actually would have to move.

And so decided to add a ton of the facebook friends of the other family members even if they didn’t actually know them, and then start posting status messages about poor them being forced to live in their van. And how they are the one who “got screwed over”, playing the victim as if everyone else got huge inheritances, instead of having jobs and such to have provided for their own lives and their own homes rather than living off their elderly relatives.

As if this public shaming will be enough to make a family member become silly enough to believe that letting them move in without them even attempting to look for a job will have any better outcome than my grandma’s attempt over 12 years ago that she never got back out of.

Help is one thing… stupidly jumping into a situation that you know will not actually help but rather just continue a “meal ticket” mentality is quite another.

And yes, even unknown facebook friends can sense a poor-me pity party a mile away.

So… we’re calling it out. Nobody is jumping to provide then the next new free ride. We’ve helped share possible job leads related to their past jobs that they haven’t even followed up on, provided information on other housing options, offered help with helping them get qualified with government programs…. and none of it has been anything but scorned and the comments about living in the van.

Somehow I’m betting that van still won’t have an occupant. Well, at least until other family members catch them trashing to house or otherwise trying to block its ability to sell. But it’s getting really annoying waiting it out to see how long till they realize that they are going to have to take some active action and not just be handed life out of pity of the poor victim left to actually fend for themselves essentially for the first time in their lengthy adult life.

Meanwhile, the other family members that were depending on grandma rather than working are actively looking at their resources and options, and making arrangements, and doing what they need to do to move on with their lives. Can’t say I have much hope towards it being productively, but at least its independently.

Ironically, they are the ones who have been the most underhanded in the past that we thought we had to worry about. But no, they have been well behaved, no battles at all.

Meanwhile, the future van resident has been pulling stunts like taking the big screen tv that was supposed to go to a great-grandson, claiming her tv at their house didnt work right. Then pawning it within 24 hours of having it. Then when a relative told them they would pay off the pawn loan for it if they wanted to sell it, they told the person they planned to get it out and needed it. Then didn’t pay off the pay loan so that a large two year old tv was sold for $150 to a pawn shop rather than to the person who’d offered to pay them. And then the child it was supposed to go to was told that it was sold to get money to visit grandma in the hospital, even though the child knew the tv was in the house the day before the funeral.

Stuff like this is making acting out of long term best interest instead of out of family obligation emotions sooo much easier than it usually is.

But sadly enough… given the past before grandma became the meal ticket, i’m betting the end result will be a new interest in dating with a sudden rush to move in with the person. Fresh meat that isn’t used to the game yet.


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