I’ve been working off and on getting my garden area ready for another round of attempts.

And part of this has been breaking up the soil again… to get it soft enough to be able to mix in peat moss, and make it non-packed so that roots are more easily able to grow through it without struggling to go around big solid clods of dirt.

It’s one of those tasks that I’m not a big fan of, because it’s hard. It takes a lot of effort to dig deeper down and sift out any rocks and break through packed areas.

And yet, I love the result… both for the later plants, and just for being able to run my hands through the softened dirt.

But it’s also one of those tasks that’s hard to completely without having it turn into spiritual metaphors on you.

But this year… there’s just this feeling of resistance within me.

I don’t want to be cultivated right now. I’m tired… my hardened parts have packed themselves together from what feels like good responses to the weight of the stress put on them… and I just don’t feel like having them broken apart right now.

Even though I know it’s for the better for future growth… and I know the hard clods aren’t functional right now and so are basically just taking up space that is needed for roots…. and I know it’s likely to happen whether or not I think it’s what I want right now.

But I just feel worn down right now… and tired of dealing with the mess that is my messiness.

I’m just sort of wishing my gardener were into rock gardens right now.


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