Pain preferences

With the realization that this is likely to be the end result, I’ve started looking for full time jobs. Or at least another part time job.

And I’m sort of feeling like I’m doomed either way.

A large part of the decision to leave call center work was my wrists. With the constant fast typing required, I developed tendonitis in my wrists… which tends to flare up again even with the short term seasonal job.

And so, in the last job hunt, I generally took that into consideration, realizing that even if I got another call center job, it was likely going to end up being a short term solution that would likely be painful.

Thus, the move towards retail.

But now, with my ankle, I feel pretty stuck. There’s no way I can do a job that is full time on my feet right now.

But, there’s pretty much nothing in the way of jobs that doesn’t require either constant typing or being on my feet…. unless it requires training or experience that I don’t have.

So I’m basically feeling like right now, it’s a matter of choosing which pain I prefer.

The time to panic

I’ve started to panic about next semester.

Numbers on the financial issues are still way off… as in 7k to come up with. Though, with the system set up, I still technically have three weeks to come up with that.

My plan has been to start classes on monday either way, and keep hoping and praying that it will work out last minute.

However..

With the last doctor’s appointment, I’m having to admit… the ankle is going to be a big issue.

I toughed it out for the last 6 weeks of last semester… with being on my feet all day for 2 days a week.. and that was tough.

And I’m pretty sure it probably played a factor in my ankle getting worse instead of better.

But this semester requires me to be on my feet 4 days a week.

There is just no way that I can tough that out right now. I was barely managing with half that.

Normally, this would be ok… I could miss for a bit as long as I made the hours up by the end of the semester. But the summer semester is only 9 weeks long.

Even if I just missed for the week until my ortho appointment, that is going to add an additional half day to every week after that to be able to catch up.

And I don’t expect the ortho to be able to wave a magic wand at that appointment and make my ankle suddenly be able to handle 4 1/2 days a week.

This is not looking good.

No tears, no answers

So the MRI results came back…. and showed no tears in the tendons.

There were also no fluid filled masses, or abnormal growths.

So it’s not an abscess or a tumor.

But it didn’t really give any clues as to what exactly it is.

The MRI mainly just focused on the plantar fasciitis flare up…. that I’ve been trying to ignore all semester and still been battling increasingly since the job doing truck unload and shelf stocking.

But that’s an entirely different type of pain. That starts on the bottom of the foot… and is more a tenderness that goes up through the center of the leg…. and is usually worse when I’m standing but not nearly as bad if I keep moving.

The new pain is totally different… it’s sharp… and right along the back of the ankle and leg, though it does spread forward some if I ignore it long enough. And it’s worse when I’m walking.. especially if I’m pushing something like a grocery cart or lawnmower and that leg is the one that’s in the rear on that step.

And so my primary care doc had originally just sort of blown it off at the start of the conversation as being related to the foot issue, couldn’t explain to me how a tension issue on the bottom of the foot would cause a physical lump on the back of the ankle, and so came to agree with me that there is something going on that isn’t explained by that diagnosis.

And so I have a referral to an orthopedic doc… to see what they can come up with.

The dress project

We were informed that for kiddo’s school project this year, they were doing a colonial theme, and we had to either sew her a dress, or build a wooden canoe.

One time a year they have some sort of ridiculous project… and so this was this year’s round. One year we had to build an adobe hut… one year we had to help her create an invention… another year it was a complete life sized diagram of the human body with each organ system drawn in different colors of colored pencil… etc.

Every year we grumble about these projects.. because every year they seem like its more a project for the parents than an assignment for the kids.

And so we started our grumbling with the fact that even the pattern for a colonial dress ran about $15… and fabric ended up another $80 or so… and mom paid for it out of her limited income because there was no way that I had an extra $100 laying around, and I was going to go to the school and raise a fit about it being completely unreasonable on expectations.

So the dress gets made, mostly by grandma.

And all through this process, kiddo is complaining about it not being authentic enough… about needing a bonnet, and bloomers, and petticoats, etc etc etc.
We keep trying to explain to her that we’re doing the best we can with what we can do… and eventually do come up with a bonnet pattern… but she’s still not happy.

And then we come to find out, the project was due a week earlier than we’d originally been told… making for a very long weekend of trying to get it done.

img_20130414_221823.jpg

And so the dress is finished. A very expensive dress she will never have a reason to wear again.

About 2 weeks later we have the school open house… where all of the projects are to be on display.

We enter the classroom.

And quickly realize that I probably should have followed my instinct to contact the teacher…. because it turns out that she wasn’t the one who had set the unreasonable expectations.

No other project was even remotely close! Nobody else appeared to have spent more than about 10 bucks, and maybe an hour of work if that.

The flag was made of construction paper and tape… not sewn.
zflag.jpg

So was the drum.
zdrum.jpg

The quill was a bic pen with a feather scotch-taped to it.
zquill.jpg

There was construction paper, play-doh, popsickle sticks, and scotch tape all over the place.
zcabin.jpgzbell.jpg

Three kids actually turned in pieces of crumpled brown paper sacks that had been written on to make various documents.
zpaper.jpg

Even the tea was a cardboard box with tea written on it. (How hard is getting real tea?)
ztea.jpg

Sigh.

My kid’s excuse for making this project so much worse than it was supposed to be?

“I wanted to do a real dress.”

Knowing we couldn’t afford it… and didn’t have a lot of time to work on it… and that she had no use for it.

Some days parenting seems like such a hopeless effort.

zppp.jpg

Signs, Wonders, and a Baptist Preacher by Chad Norris

Signs, Wonders , and a Baptist Preacher is the latest book that I’ve received from Chosen Books for reviewing.

The book tells Chad’s story and struggles, as he starts off from a typical conservative viewpoint… and finds himself more and more wanting to see things like Jesus did in this world. As he asks, the more things begin happening.

The book seems to aim to convince the reader from a more conservative background that seeing supernatural really is possible. He tries to ease into this gently, openly admitting at times that these are things he normally would have thought of as crazy.

Towards the end of the book, he does get a bit more into the hows… with encouragement to try praying for someone and see what happens.

Chad’s story is interesting to read, and it’s good to see that God can always use even anxious and normal people in big ways and supernatural things.

Chosen books page for the book

Amazon page for the book

And waiting… and waiting..

And I’m still waiting on financial aid appeals answers. With less than three weeks to go.

I did get an answer on one part of the appeal (out of two parts).

Which reduced the amount that I’d have to pay out of pocket this year to a still unreasonable 9k. (In addition to maxing out my federal loans to have to pay back later.)

I’m starting to wonder if they think that if they wait long enough, I’ll come up with the money. Like maybe I have rich relatives that will suddenly step up if I have no other options… or that I’ll magically get a rich cosigner for a private loan.

Unfortunately for them (and me), I have no grandparents left… only one living parent with disability income that no bank will take seriously for cosigning… and no other close older relatives. I have two remaining uncles… but neither of which have I actually seen other than funerals since kiddo was a toddler…. and one aunt who has no contact with the family and who wouldn’t qualify anyway.

So basically, my fate for continuing or not is in the hands of an office that has been giving me non-answers for 3 months or so now.

Somehow, I don’t think they care.

Messages of physical and emotional means

My mind has been on a bit of a tangent lately.

The topic… the interaction between emotional, spiritual, and physical things.

This was partially provoked by a book I’m reading that entirely lumped the spiritual and emotional categories together.

Of course, they aren’t the same thing… but they always seem more closely linked to each other than either of the two seems linked to physical.

And problems spiritually almost always also cause problems emotionally.
And sometimes problems emotionally can cause problems in out spiritual life as well.

But emotional problems do also interact with physical effects too…. such as the symptoms of stress.
And after thinking about it, I think physical problems also sometimes cause emotional problems too… both in dealing with the physical problem (such as a recently disabled person), but also in chemical imbalances or genertic pre-dispositions creating havok in some people emotionally.

But does the physical and the spiritual interact in the same way?

As someone who believes in physical healings through prayer, I think the spiritual can effect the physical… also thinking of Saul/Paul being blinded temporarily.

But can the physical effect the spiritual?
Again, I think in some ways it can.. but on this one I’m not as confident. But there are definite physical elements to worship and to prayer… that seem like they go beyond merely being emotional effects. Prayer through movement.

This train of thought then got me to thinking about how God goes about getting through to us. This tangent mainly came from thinking about Jonah.

Jonah physically ran from his task. And God got his attention in a physical way. (Your spiritual problem just might have become a physical one about the time you find yourself in a fish… )

Prodigal son is another case where physical running was ended by a physical problem in the form of hunger and lacking in physical needs being met.

And I wonder sometimes if God tries to get the message to us using the same manner that we had used when we tried to send a “I’ll do this my way” message at him.

No, I don’t particularly want to talk about my ankle in relation to the crazy busy life I’ve had lately, why do you ask? LOL