The Gift

So.. there’s a boy. 🙂

Put those up there on the words I never thought I’d be typing here.

Ok, I guess technically he’s a man, not a boy, but still.

There’s a lot of story to it… part of which is on here already.. as we’d become friends as coworkers, but then he left the company… and I figured that would be the last time I’d ever see him in person and determined to do my best not to lose contact with him via email and facebook, but expecting that loss would happen eventually anyway.

Well, after a lot of awkwardness… instead it has officially become dating… and with the time spent as friends, it has taken off running pretty quickly.

But I’m seriously having trouble wrapping my head around it. I’m in this state of shocked amazement.

Relationships were very much what I ran to during the rebellious spell in my life. There were only a few months of the years that I wasn’t dating at least one person, and sometimes more.

When a long term relationship ended about a month after the rebellious period… I briefly tried dating again, but I knew it wasn’t supposed to be. It just wasn’t right.

And so… with great reluctance, I surrendered.

I accepted the fact that I had to make a choice between following God and the way that I had been doing things… and eventually I accepted that with the way things generally go in the Christian dating world, that this meant that I was accepting life on my own.

A hard decision… made over and over… in a million lonely moments.. and each time the opportunity presented itself to run back…

And again when it seemed like everyone was getting married, and I knew it meant letting go of my dreams.
And again when the baby crazy late 20’s hit… when I had to accept that I was laying down my desires for a family beyond just me and the kiddo.

And now it feels like he reached into my box where I had packaged up my hopes… and closed the lid over and over…

And picked out the most painfully relinquished treasure… fixed it back the way that it was supposed to have been before I messed it up… wrapped it up and presented it back to me as a gift.

A gift of one last try.

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