the raft

I don’t remember which camp it was… but one of the girl scout camps that I went to had an anchored raft at the edge of its swimming area that marked the limits as to how far we could go without being in a canoe etc.

I have a memory of racing to the raft… swimming as hard as we could… wearing ourselves out… until we reached the raft…

and at first it was all we could do to just hang on to the side until arms regained a bit of strength.and then with great effort, we pulled ourselves up and just layed there for a while… warming in the sun after the cold lake water.. recatching our breath… just resting and recooperating… barely even moving… just feeling the gentle motion of the same waves that we’d just been fighting that were now just a soft rocking motion.

emotionally… that feels a lot like where i’m at right now.

things are good… after being super rough for what seems like forever.

and while i’m tired and weary and feeling worn out physically… its a calm spell.

a feeling like i can just go limp for a bit and still be ok, after having to be strong just to keep my head above water for so long.

a chance to just catch my breath without the risk of drowning if i dont keep paddling harder.

to just warm the chill off in the sunshine… and relax… and heal.

it’s a much needed time…. and i’m loving it.

but in the back of my mind… there’s always still the thought…. that the return trip was always hard and slow.

we always found ourselves wishing that it had been a one way trip… and ya know, I bet they probably don’t even let kids swim out there anymore for safety and liability reasons. Because it really was at about the limits of our abilities for most of us.

and i sort of feel that way now again.

i made it. I did it. It’s nice here.

But I’m not a big fan of returning to the water anytime soon.

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