So I suppose the next update probably needs to be about the job situation.
So, to recap, as last spring closed, I was working essentially no hours with my existing job, and had no idea how bills were going to get paid.
In July, I started a new full time job on second shift. This was with the intention of changing to first shift at the first open bid time, which was to be January, and in the meantime it would leave the mornings and weekends open for any hours that happened to open up at the existing job.
Well, due to a shift in things, I found myself suddenly working at the old job 4 days a week from 10 until half an hour before I had to be at the new job. Which was a bit rough when I didn’t get off until midnight, but entirely do-able, and opened up the chances greatly at being able to save enough to afford to return to school.
And so, from September until January, I was pulling off 65 hour weeks.
But as they tend to do, things changed on me again, in the form of two promotions, one at each job.
The one at the old job meant a steady 29 hours a week with some event weeks possibly having more, and a huge pay raise… we’re talking around 50%. And it would still work with the second shift hours.
The one at the new job was only a slight increase in pay, and a slight change in job duties.
However, it came at just the wrong time for the original plan. Because it put me as the last trained group before the shift bid. Which took me from having a sure shot at first shift by seniority if I hadn’t been moved up, to no longer having any advantages and being much much lower in the rankings to compete for a whole lot fewer open day shift positions.
And so, I tried to make it work pulling off both jobs as I had been… realizing that it was only 4 more hours a week.
But, the new shift at the new job meant that I wasn’t getting off until 2am.
Which meant about 4 hours of sleep at night, and then trying to throw in a nap 4 days a week for about 3 hours.
I survived for about 2 months, somehow, until I reached the point at which we were allowed to put in requests to have our shifts altered… which I promptly did, to have my shift changed back to starting 1/2 an hour after the old job ended for the day.
But, at that point, I had to admit that I really did not enjoy the job, even beyond the horrible schedule. It’s not like it was awful… I’ve had jobs much much worse. But it was not something that I enjoyed, and not something that I saw myself keeping as a career.
And, by this point, I already knew that school was not going to be happening for the next year… which had been the big reason I kept telling myself that I was working for.
And, not only was it making things rough with my daughter on rarely seeing her, I also had a new relationship that I was barely able to even manage contact with during the week.. with actually being able to be with each other pretty much limited to one evening a week due to my schedule.
With the increase in hours at the old job, I knew I could survive on that job alone. And with the raise, I’d actually be making more working 29 hours a week than working 40 hours a week at the last full time job that I’d had.
So why wasn’t I enjoying the extra hours instead of still making these crazy sacrifices that I knew weren’t going to help the original purpose of making them?
And so, I really had to ask myself why I was still killing myself trying to pull this off… and the only answer that I could come up with was the paycheck.
I had to admit that I liked the freedom of having the money in my hand.
After how rough the last years have been, it has been an absolute relief to be able to realize that I need something, drive to the store, and get the item… without a second thought as to if I had enough money for it or whether or not I could squeeze it into the budget somewhere.
To not have to wait months to be able to get much needed replacement socks. To not have to check how many days until payday before going to the grocery store. To not have to do math and check calenders and make notes to figure out when to pay how much to keep the utilities turned on.
To be able to go out to eat, to whichever place I wanted (not like I tend towards fancy anyway), and get whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Was this a good reason to be working myself to the point where I couldn’t squeeze in a shower during the week without planning it days in advance or weighing if I was willing to give up the precious limited sleep that I could be getting with that time? Of course not!
And so, I made the decision to resign.
A decision made of my own choosing… but one that you’d have never been able to convince me that I’d be making 6 months before.
The very thing I’d been searching for, for years… a full time job, that paid well, with benefits, that wasn’t physically difficult like unloading trucks. That which I’d spent how many hours praying for.. and that much time and effort to find…
And I willingly made my own choice to let it go.
Time will tell if it was the right decision. But for right now, I’m confident that it was the decision that needed to be made…. as crazy as everyone else seems to think I am for making it.