Well, there is one thing that I can say for today…. and that’s that the relationship drama from yesterday made the mother’s day grumpiness seem pale in comparison.
today has been a truly crummy day.
i did apologize to him last night in an email for the manner in which the topic was approached. i know better than that… and wish that i would have taken a more adult and non-judgmental approach to let him know how i was feeling.
he didnt respond, and i dont expect him to…. nor do i plan to send him anything further…. but i felt like i did owe him the apology.
but, i think things would have eventually come to the same place either way…. and i guess at least this gets it over with.
i am pretty confident that he does love me… just not sure if thats enough.
i do hope he comes back around.. and i dont even actually even expect an apology. he was honest with me… and had to sort things out for himself. i dont fault him for choosing to do that.
but, its been rather interesting in some of the discussions today at how many people are surprised that i even would be interested in taking him back.
one person told me that if he’s that childish on not knowing what he wants, he isnt worth putting up with. a friend told me that if he can say that he doesnt know how he feels about things after all that i’ve stood by him through in his life the past 6 months, then he’s never going to be looking at anyone but himself. and a relative mentioned that if he can lead me on by telling me he loves me that much publicly all over facebook in older posts, but then claim he doesnt know how he feels, then he wasn’t trustworthy to believe him anyway.
I don’t feel that way at all.
I understand that there are some hurting places. I’m just hoping they are resolvable.
whether i’m just optimistic or in total denial at this point, the place in my heart is still his…. and i expect that it will remain that way for the foreseeable future.
im hurting a lot today… but i still consider him to be my guy… and still think that he is just as awesome and amazing of a man as i did before.
in the meantime, i’m realizing that way too many of the places we went together advertise frequently on the tv station my mom usually has on… and i can honestly say that a sports report on the news has never brought tears to my eyes before.