Ups and downs

And so life goes on, because it has to.

There have been a few answers, but just as many new questions….

It’s been made pretty clear that although he said just some time to sort things out, he intended this to be over.

I go back and forth…. from being ok to wait it out and with hope that the love I saw will someday bring its head back and bring him back around….. to feeling like there will never be joy again.

I miss him so bad… but have no anger or resentment. It would be so much easier if I could hate him and convince myself he’s a jerk…. but it just isnt there.

But it hurts. So bad at times.

The worst was when I realized that he’d deleted all of the pictures of us from facebook except for one.

I’m pretty sure that was an oversight, for whatever reason it still shows on my page but not on his.

Yes, they were his pictures…. his posts.. his to delete.

But man… that hurt so very bad.

The minor glip of mercy… I think more from God than him…. was that the picture he left happened to be my favorite.

1604945_10203549485998231_10462218_n1.jpg

That is what happy looked like. I will miss it so greatly.

(And he always made the serious frowny faces for pictures. He has such a sweet smile, sometimes such an ornery smile…. but I never managed to catch it with a camera.)

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