I knew the weekend was probably going to be rough…. and it’s exceeding my expectations on that front.
I volunteered to work today hoping it would keep me busy, but it didn’t help much… because the last time that I’d worked with this department, was an occasion that I’d ended up leaving early to go pick up Prince Charming following a major fallout with his brother.
So he was still on my mind a lot.
Today has just been one of those days where the tears are back, and I would do just about anything to have him back.
It’s one of those days where I feel like begging… like telling him that I don’t care if he feels like he couldn’t love me like I deserved because I was perfectly happy with what I had… like asking him to just pretend because even if he doesn’t really love me back, at least it makes me happy to be able to love on him…
I want to send a message and let him know just how very much he is missed.
I want to send one asking if there is anything I can do to change anything at all… just to name it… anything…. no boundaries…
But I know that none of these would change anything…. or if they did, they’d probably just make it much worse.
I just want him back so very bad… and just missing him so very much….
And I’m trying to just pray and trust that him and God will get things sorted out.
But the pit in my heart from his absence seems so very very big today… and the fear is sinking in that it will never be going away.