The week of mother’s day was going really horrible for me emotionally even before the relationship trauma happened…. with also being the week that I would have graduated.
But beyond that, there was another of the really large factors that was throwing me into a funk that week…. and that was that due to a family drama situation, I’d decided not to move.
I had been very seriously looking forward to moving…. because conditions with the house have been getting pretty close to unliveable, but my ex-stepdad who owns the house is unwilling to take the expense and effort to repair them.
The hot water heater was completely non-functional for more than 6 months… meaning we were having to shower at mom’s house. There was a major sewer issue that should have been an emergency situation that instead took weeks to be resolved… even then, I paid half of the expenses… and that was back in January, and there’s still an uncovered hole in my back yard with exposed pipe that is waiting on him to get a piece of metal that it required to be able to re-bury it.
Bugs of all sorts have been a problem for years, dating back to when they sprayed outside while I was out of town for the week, which drove spiders and everything else inside to get established while I was gone. Spraying repeatedly hasn’t helped…. nor has much else.
My effort in removing most of the carpet helped, but there are still issues related to smell from the flooring where it had soaked beyond the carpet and into the wood.
Many of the cracked areas from where the house was almost taken in a tornado in 98 that took out the back garage 2 doors down had previously been patched… but between age and small earthquakes from northern oklahoma, that patching is failing and there are huge crumbling cracks needing dealt with on walls and ceilings, and in some cases even pieces of plaster coming out.
The bathroom has parts of the wall that were done as sheets of tile, with no drywall behind them, and so now that the tiles are splitting apart, they are falling completely off and leaving big exposed holes in the wall… and about half of the wall section is only held on by caulking that I’ve put on there trying to hold it.
The living room ceiling fan is the only light for the room but doesn’t work, and the fan hasn’t worked since shortly after we moved in… but beyond that, there is jagged glass on the framed part of it from an incident with a Wii remote (that one is our fault, but it was already needed replace from functionality)
The screen door needs the support bar replaced (thus the cat tail amputation incident), and the locking system is such that if you lock it, it will not be able to be unlocked without completely removing the lock… so I’ve had to remove it so that we don’t accidentally hit the lock, yet again.
The basement floor floods regularly. Even when it isn’t raining.
And that’s pretty much just the start… of a million small issues making themselves into a big mess.
It’s an old house… built in the 40’s… and until we moved in, it had been occupied by the original owners until their death, so much of the care it needs they were not able to keep up with in their elder years.
I’ve done a lot over the years in basic stuff and critical stuff… I replaced the thermostat just last fall… and honestly, most of the stuff that needs done is stuff that I can do with various degrees of time and effort.
However, the situation is that it is not my house. I don’t even have a formal lease agreement.
All he would have to do is claim that he was just letting me stay there as a guest and not a renter and I could be kicked out at any time.
So, it’s a situation where putting my time and effort into the house may be a complete loss.
And beyond that, I felt completely overwhelmed on where to even start.
And actually, since the problems with the house are probably a good part of why he doesn’t live here, demanding they be fixed or that he at least fund the repairs may well be demanding myself out of living there…. because if he were willing to do so, he would.
But the rent is low… and until this year, that was the overriding factor in staying. I was barely managing to survive even with the low rent…. let alone afford higher.
But that isn’t the case now. And I was greatly looking forward to being somewhere else.
But as much as I wanted out…. I knew there were other factors that were going to be going against the move.
I’d been preparing myself for battle… getting ready for the drama explosion I knew was going to be the result of that action…. and already waging smaller skirmishes that were breaking out.
But I came to the conclusion that the losses from the battle are likely to be larger than I can deal with at the moment.
Victory would be highly uncertain…. the consequences for loss being greater than I was willing to sacrifice… and even in the event of victory there would be damages.
I came to the realization that I’ve got to just surrender the battle that I can’t fight right now…. and let the situation work itself into a place that it can be accomplished without such losses.
Which was hard. And a really huge disappointment to my hopes.