When will it end?

How long is the pain supposed to stay this sharp?

It’s been a day shy of 3 weeks.

I’ve been in full-on tears 5 times over the last 2 days.

I’ve had my heart seriously broken by two different guys before… one of whom I expected to marry…

And in all of the breakups…. I can’t remember still regularly being in tears longer than about 4-5 days afterwards.

Tears after a week period would generally be a rare one-off occasion.

The ache dropped down after the first week after I’d gotten some answers…. but actually seems like it’s gotten steadily worse since.

It just throbs sometimes.

I know that this isn’t a normal response for me…. it’s not the way my heart usually grieves the losses…. even with the previous ones that the door was left open.

Yes, there should be sadness…. but not like this. Not this gnawing ache that seems like it consumes everything in my life… like it’s going to swallow me whole.

How did this boy get such a crazy strong hold on my heart, that he doesn’t even seem to want?

Yes, I trusted him with it… and I’m still glad that I did…. but still… even the guy I’d been with for 3 years and expected to marry didn’t come close to this. And neither did the guy who was Mr. romantic doing anything and everything in his power to sweep me off my feet only to find someone else.

Completely different animal.

As much as I never thought I’d say this… I’m thinking that it may be time to make a call and see about going back on the anti-anxiety med that also functions as a depression med.

Cuz I’m miserable…. and seems to keep getting worse and the hole getting bigger and bigger… and welcome is wearing out on a lot of the friends who were tolerant of my Prince Charming longing ramblings initially.

I hate the way the med makes me feel… but anything is better than this. I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to do this much more…. but I have no ability to end it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s