sTaBiLiTy

My blog tends to see the worst of me. Like I’ve said many times on here, I usually come here for venting and ranting… happy spells have many people to share it with but sad or upset spells aren’t nearly as popular, so my blog always tends more towards the negative sides of life.

But, generally speaking… I tend to be really stable emotionally. Not to say that I never have spells… but they tend to be infrequent, short-lived, and not something that gets acted out on.

I tend to be the calm, zen one…. the one that people rely on…. the one you want to have in a crisis because I tend to keep perspective without just completely tossing emotion out as worthless.

This…. is completely not my life right now.

I don’t know who’s life I’m living right now… but it doesn’t feel like mine… and I think I’d rather trade back.

Within the course of an hour I go from completely calm and mostly ok with things, to not just weeping but wailing… so hard that the next morning my eyes and sides still hurt.

I don’t cry easy… but there hasn’t been a day since about week two of this that I haven’t been in tears at least once… and usually more.

But it’s not like I’m just in a constant depression… I think I could handle that better…

It’s just ups, and downs…. from one extreme of feeling like my life can’t continue without Prince Charming in it, to feeling like everything will be fine, and right back.

From certain in trusting God for the eventual outcome, to feeling completely hopeless and abandoned.

It’s crazy. And I feel like I’m crazy.

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