As I’ve gone into before here, I feel like Prince Charming was brought into my life by God, and I feel strongly of that.
I also feel strongly that things were supposed to move forward as they did.
Working from that point:
That leaves me with essentially two ways to approach the current situation.
A: That he was brought into my life with the intention that it was for just a time, and that time has passed.
B: That he was brought into my life with the intention that it was long term.
If A is the case:
Then it is what it is.
It gave him much needed support, it gave me a spell of love and happiness in my solitude.
It was a gift to both of us, to be cherished and remembered fondly.
If B is the case:
Then what it is, is not what it will be.
If God intended long term, then he’s going to be the one to correct the course of things… to turn things that feel like the end of the world into things that will be used for his positive purposes. If that’s his intention, he will still intend to do so, and just needs me to trust that he is more than capable of fixing the worst messes.
I tend to be the sort of person who goes for the safe option… which in this case is situation A. If I accept the end, then if it actually turns out to be situation B later, I’m happily surprised and thrilled.
Situation B is a lot rougher if it turns out to be wrong. I don’t like assuming situation B, even though it has the most positive outcome in the end if it’s right.
My prayers this week have been pretty heavily towards asking for peace and assistance in acceptance of situation A… as if you are looking at things logically, that seems to be the direction one would assume this is going.
But that hasn’t been being answered in a “yes”…. but maybe that’s just a “not yet”.
My heart still leans towards B. Which it has from the start… probably coming from the assumption of B before the situation occured.
But it seems to lean that direction harder each day.
I’m not someone easily thrown out of equalibrium. I tend to correct to a stable place pretty quickly… after a whole lot of experience in doing so.
I would expect to still be sad and be missing Prince Charming in my life at this point… but I would expect it to be at a level that normal life goes on for the most part, even if my heart does not move on from being fixed on him.
But instead, it feels like life itself has refused to continue. It feels more and more like he can’t be lived without…. as much as my logical side wants it to…. and as much as I could make a nice long list of why it would be better off for me if it did.
It refuses to listen to logic.
I don’t know whether God is going to answer my prayers towards situation B, or the ones towards accepting situation A.
But I wish he would decide to do one or the other soon.