This is one of those occasions that I should have written in the moment.
So, I got a day off.
The meeting went well, even though he dodged some of my “why” questions with vague answers about being in pain and keeping me from seeing the crazy.
But he was willing to reopen the door, although at a non-exclusive level.
Most circumstances I’d be reluctant, but in this case, knowing how much trying to live without him has failed, it’s liveable.
I spent one day with relief…. a day without tears…. a day to just rest and be happy and smile and feel like normal life might be possible again.
Then, just as quickly, he ended things again…. saying he felt like the physical attraction wasnt there… like he’d just be hurting me later when he found someone else… saying that he felt like he just needed to go this spell alone… several different excuses.
I think by some things he said, that many of them were just more bunk to push me away.
The anger got me enough that I called him a few hours later, asking what changed in 48 hours… and he said that he had just panicked.. but that his feelings on it had changed.
So, I rode the world’s shortest rollercoaster.