I don’t want to love.

I’ve come to realize that if I had my choice… at this point, I don’t think that I would continue to love Prince Charming at this point.

I don’t regret the choice to keep him in my life, I don’t regret the choice to love him…

But if I could convince my heart to let go of him now, if I had an on/off switch to decide logically not to love someone and have my heart follow that choice, I would choose the off button.

l don’t need the drama in my life. I have enough to keep me busy from other sources.

I don’t need the emotional trauma.

I don’t need the mental struggles of trying to make sense of things that just keep not making sense in various ways.

I don’t need someone who sees me as something disposable and not worth effort to keep.

I would choose to make the decision to call it a day, calling it doing what’s best for my interest, calling it beyond what i can handle right now.

Calling it being sane.

My heart still won’t let me make that call… even when he’s made that call on me.

My heart is apparently completely stupid and doesn’t look out for its own well being… nor for that of my head, or of my entire stinking life.

I’ve wished for a while that someone could convince my heart that he truly is just a complete jerk… and many have tried… including him. But none have succeeded.

But I think this is the first point that I’ve directly realized that I would want away if it would let me.


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