loss and voicemail

my phone died yesterday… and had to be factory reset to get it to turn on again.

which deleted a lot of files i didnt have backed up… but it also deleted my voicemails… all of them..

including the one that i had saved from prince charming from long ago… just one… telling me he loved me and missed me and calling me beautiful.

because my phone saves them on the phone itself and not on the sd card, the recovery tools wont work on it…. or i was willing to pay the $50 recovery fee just to have that one voicemail back.

nothing else on the whole phone mattered more than that voicemail. it mattered more to me than the phone.

i’m really not dealing with it well. i’m in tears just trying to write this… and this is probably about the 10th time since it happened.

but what made it worse… was two different well meaning friends telling me it was a good thing… a blessing in disguise… for the best… would help me move on.

i have never in my life so much felt like just completely going full jerk on someone.

does the phrase “its for the best” ever help anyone who is in tears from something that was not their decision?

yes, i know… i’m being a baby… its just a voicemail.

but it was a very important one to me… and not something that there is any replacement for… a completely priceless token from all that is now lost.

having it taken from me isnt going to help me move on… it just makes me miss all that is now gone from me so much more for having lost one of the few remnants i still had.

theres a whole ginormous wave of fresh agony hitting from it.

and there’s a good part of me that feels like there’s no reason to try and talk to anyone when i’m hurting anymore instead of just curling into a ball. i think i’ve pretty much passed everyone’s allowable time for tears. i know they mean well. i’m just not there yet…. and not sure if i ever will be.


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