Strong, stable, yet unsettled

Strong, stable, yet unsettled.

That’s about the best way to describe how I’m doing right now.

I’m mostly ok… mostly feeling stronger than I have in a long time… mostly feeling like I can conquer the world.

But there’s still a pit of the stomach unsettled feeling lurking about. Not enough to bring tears most of the time anymore, but it’s still there.

Particularly related to Prince Charming.

At this point, I feel like I’ve created a great deal of closure…. a great deal more acceptance of the loss.

I’m moving forward… looking forward….

Icons and contacts have been removed from my phone…. bookmarks removed from my computer…. notifications turned off. Files have been zipped to be stored.

My necklace has been removed… and it and little prince charming are hanging out on top of my jewelry box for now by some candles.

My thoughts still turn in that direction frequently… but generally short in duration and nowhere near the obsession of previous…

The waves sometimes still come…. mostly just the ones where I’m really missing him now though.

I’ve accepted the fact that while he did once love and cherish me…. whatever happened during that 4 day spell that he doesn’t want to talk about has changed that… and right now, no matter what things were previously, he neither places value on me beyond he needed from me, nor does he treat me with the respect one would treat even a low level friend.

Closing my door is what needs to happen, and has happened.

And the nagging unsettled feeling isn’t nearly as strong as it used to be.

I know it’ll probably fade more and time passes, as the wound continues healing, as I get more used to not having him…. and especially as I start dating again… which I’m now thinking will probably be happening.

But I’m very ready for it to completely go away. It still sucks when it creeps its head out of hiding.


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