Notes, shorter pt 2

(Didn’t realize how I was posting these had a cut off limit…. hope it hasn’t cut off other long posts…)

The reality that you face today isn’t permanent. Reality is constantly changing. But it is up to you to take charge of it and move it forward.

He had to face the fact that the life he once had was gone. The life he faced was not one he wanted, but it was the only one he had. Only he could choose to make the best of it. He could have chosen despair, but he chose life.

Things get better when we are able to confront it and begin to see what we can do to make it better.

Your energy can be focused on fighting to retake your life. Use this time of surging energy, riveted attention, and acute sensory awareness to take on the challenge of rebuilding your life.

You now know where your emotional triggers come from and what your most basic needs are. How you choose to handle these feelings is crucial to healing. These deeply guarded emotions may well hae sabotaged you in the past; you don’t want to become disconnected from them again.

Lifting above, or overlifting, means that you’re using one of more of a variety of defenses: you’re ignoring feelings, self-medicating them, denying their existence, avoiding situations that trigger them, or staying so busy you don’t have time to feel them.

In some cases, overlifters are emotionally guarded and detached, obsessed with success or material gain, and closed off from intimate relationships. In extreme cases, overlifters can become the callous sociopaths who lack empathy for anyone’s feelings, including their own.

Your task is to stop emotional calluses from forming. Otherwise, they create an invisible shielf that make it hard for others to get close. People who might want to become and important part of your life are denied access to your most basic feelings, feelings that form the basis of true emotional connection.

How we handle our lingering, still-tender feelings determines why some of us will be positively transformed after a loved one leaves and why others will become remote, detached, and less likely to connect.

Equally important is to find someone who can truly care about them, someone who is emotionally responsible and unlikely to abandon a working relationship.

Experience has taught these folks that exposing their neediness almost automatically turns off the other person, so they learn to hide the feelings that most desperatey need attention.

Your goal is to seek emotionally substantial relationships.

If you cover up deeply held desires, you’re far from emotionally present. Pretense creates an invisible shield to intimacy.

There is nothing to be gained by defending yourself against your feelings of vulnerability, wishing them away, or holding yourself to blame for having them. The vulnerability, self-doubt, and shame rising out of your past are as much a part of your personal truth as your talents and accomplishments are.

There is no perfect mate. There is only the love, caring, and respect you create between yourself and an emotionally capable person.

This powerful human bond is far more than a feeling that suddenly overwhelms you. Love is something you can create.

Love is an action, an attitude, a creative process. It grows with wisdom and often relies on initiative and self-discipline. Commit yourself to take the necessary steps toward reaching it.

The antidote to abandonment has been found: commitment to love.


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