The doubt in certainty

It’s always sort of interesting when life has curves and turns.

For most of this week, I’ve been feeling totally calm and stable… firmly decided on moving on, just not sure how I make the old ties release.

Last night, I started packing and preparing to leave town this afternoon… for a trip that I last took with Prince Charming.

It’s amazing how quickly a small nagging cord needing clipped can grow into a larger seed of doubt… a whole plant of doubt for that matter.

Am I really doing the right thing with closing the door and moving on while knowing there is still a nagging thread of love for him?

Yes. I know that logically…. in spite of emotions that still miss what we once had…. that wish that things were as they had been back when we took this trip together… that wish he were to be going with me on this trip.

But I have to gently remind my heart that he doesn’t care for me anymore… doesn’t even treat me kindly or with concern anymore… that things have changed… and they wishing we could go back to what once was will never make that possible.

Life moves only forward.

And thus, I need to move forward, and that means moving on.

So, though there’s still a bit of doubt, the trip proceeds on… as part of the beginning of a new chapter… actually, more a new book.

The old book was good for most of the book, yes, but it had an unhappy ending. But it’s been written and done.

Here’s to seeing what the new books will hold, and to finding happy scenes and happy endings ahead.

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