The hard thing in trying to figure out what I’m looking for in Prince Charming’s replacement is putting my finger on exactly what it is that hooked me.
I’ve written before about the letter… about how it just seemed like a list of traits, and seemed to miss the point.
And about how there’s just something else there… something that I see in him that I can’t entirely explain.
But, really, I think a lot of the things I saw in him comes down to a sort of a goldilocks thing.
You know, the girl who thought two beds were too hard and too soft, but then found one just right…. two bowls of food were too hot and too cold, but then found one that was just right.
(Note: This is where I left off and took a nap. That seems like an odd note now, but it will make sense in the next entry)
One of the big things that’s a soft spot for me is intelligence. I go for smart guys.
This tends to be a bit of a respect thing. In cases where I feel like I’m having to explain down, it makes it a lot harder for me on keeping respect…. and so it tends to work much much better with smart guys.
Prince Charming I can honestly say is one of the most intelligent guys that I know.
But there’s a problem with dating nerds and geeks… that I like to call spock syndrome.
Ya know spock on star trek? Brilliant… but cold. Analytical… but not place for things that couldn’t be explained by logic.
You get a lot of these guys, and they look at a bright, amazingly crisp rainbow… and they are thinking about the humidity content of the air. It doesn’t effect them in any way. They have no sense of wonder, no room for emotion.
They also tend to have very little tolerance for my choice to be a christian, and even less tolerance when I choose to follow my intuition and gut on things. That’s just not how they think… it’s just not part of their world.
I don’t want someone who goes to the other extreme… and I’ve had my fair share of those too… but with smart guys, that’s rarely the problem.
My other biggest thing that tends to go best in relationships… is a dominant personality.
Because that’s very much not me. I’m miss laid back, flexible, go with the flow on the vast majority of things. I’m the type of person who when they get in the car to go grab something for lunch, still doesn’t have the foggiest idea what they really want most of the time and does the whole drive till something sounds appealing thing. I’m the one who will just tell someone to “surprise me”, and actually be ok with whatever they come up with.
The most painful relationships ever are those with people who are the same way. It’s agony!
I have once literally stood around in a movie theater lobby for more than half an hour with a guy on a date, because neither of us really cared what we saw.. but neither of us had any better ideas either. (I eventually chose… picking an action flick I thought would appeal to a guy, and he literally fell asleep during it. lol)
I am very much not a leader… and so it works very well with someone who does have a more dominant, take charge personality.
The problem here, of course, is that you get guys that will run steamroller over everything when you hand them the keys.
It takes a certain type of guy to be a good leader… one that does respect my opinions when I do have them… one that can sometimes act in my best interests as well when I’m not even all that sure what those are, and when he could easily get away with not caring about them.
Even worse… you pair the two traits together… and you can get what I used to call mini-hitler complex… a guy who thinks he knows everything, thinks he’s here as the greatest gift to the world, and has no concept that he might not always be right and that his preferences are not universal rules of “better”.
Best example to give of this now is Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. Funny to watch… but hard to deal with on a long term basis on any level, and horrible to try and date.
Another one is for guys who can be just completely silly… which is already a really rare thing to find with either of the two big traits, so was usually with a guy who didn’t have either… but then, a lot of times when you find it, you end up with these guys who couldn’t take anything seriously if their life depended on it.
So you take those big factors… and a whole bunch of little ones… and Prince Charming has just always had this awesome balance to him… just as who he is… that just seems to be just right.
He’s a genius, and yet open to wonder and emotions. He’s dominant, and yet he did ask for my input and took my opinions seriously.
He once within a span of less than a minute, went from talking with me about the greek variations on the word love, to holding his bible flat and making the edge into a mouth and making it talk to me and then try to bite my arm. He regularly made me laugh and made me think within the same statement.
He just always had this “this one is just right” balance about him on traits that is something that I hadn’t ever seen in a guy before.
And it’s hard to go about replacing that.
I feel like goldilocks.. the next time she went looking for a bed and bowl of food… and was now even less happy with the less than ideal conditions because she’d known that the just right conditions were something that could happen.