3 month box

Today is 3 months.

I remember once upon a time, when I was dating heavily, that somewhere I’d gotten a rule of thumb that relationships should take 1/2 the time that you were together to get over.

3 months is that point. Actually, technically, a week ago would have been.

Back then, I always thought that seemed like way too long.

I’m being too hard on myself.

I know this.

The mixed emotion thing is really messing with me. I find myself beating myself up a bit over things I know are valid feelings.

A friend of mine likes to ask me for percentages. To put a number on things…

Right now, I think that there is about a 15% chunk of my heart that still misses prince charming… that still hopes that God has it in the plans to bring him back around.

About 70% of my heart is towards moving on, and would really prefer that God cuts the cord of the other 15% quickly, because it’s sick of this. It’s getting very impatient, and gets incredibly frustrated when the 15% starts provoking tears yet again.

The remaining 15% is pretty ambivalent. I’m sort of cheering for this part right now… because it’s what my logical side would prefer. Neutral is calm.

(For the record, when the prince had started talking about someday living together, she’d asked me what I thought the chances were that we’d still be together after my year lease would be up… and I’d put it at 75%… just weeks before feeling like I couldn’t live without him… so the numbers sometimes mean nothing. lol)

But, I have to remember…. that being 70% over it is a whole heap of a lot better than I was at a month ago.

I was a complete and total mess at the 2 month mark… to the point that I’d called in to work… and then made it even worse by getting him furious at me that day.

I’d say at that point I was pretty firmly at 0%…. so 70% in a month isn’t bad at all. 🙂

I dunno.

I know the healing is in progress…. I know I’m doing ok now… and I know it’s going to continue.

Sometimes it just seems like it takes forever.

Gotta remember… that my heart deserves to be treated gently, especially when he didn’t treat it gentle or guard it. But it’s my job to do so for myself…. and I can do so.

The impatience can just wait it’s turn. 😛


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