So… I’m daydreaming… but kind of drowsy…
As my thoughts move on from Mark, they settle on a father figure further in the past… in my teens…
And as I’m thinking of him, and wishing I still had that sort of relationship with him… my mind goes to what he would tell me.
But unlike with the thoughts of Mark, I could hear an imaginary conversation with this man. I imagined him hugging me..
After thinking about it for a couple of hours, I’ve decided to edit this and only put part of the imaginary discussion on public post…
But he gently told me that he knew I loved (the prince), but that this was not the way decent people acted towards one another.
He told me I deserved to be treated with respect, and as if my heart were a priceless treasure.
He told me that I was worth more than being stuck with someone who would treat me that way, even if he really was the guy that I wanted, and that this was not acceptable.
It went on for a bit… mostly things I’ve been told repeatedly through this, but in his tone… phrasings that he would have used.
So it was sort of a weird drowsy daydream that sort of took a life of its own.. that didn’t really feel like I was steering it or scripting it.
I know it’s probably about half wishful thinking and half
subconscious… but it was really cool actually.
But, it didn’t end there.
Because after our conversation, it shifted….
He was no longer talking to me now… he was talking to Prince Charming…. in the living room of the apartment where he lives.
On a handful of occasions, I’ve seen this man have one of those “tough love” style discussions with his daughters. Not screaming like my dad would have been, or dramatic like my mom would have been…. but very down to business.
Again, I’m going to edit out most of it from the public post… especially on this one.
But in my mind, I could see this man telling the prince that this was unacceptable behavior to treat people as disposable under any circumstances.
That he understood that he was hurting, understood (insert greater detail on some of the issues here), but that hurting other people was uncalled for.
That intentionally choosing to ignore the harm he was causing to other people just because he was wounded was only making his problems in his life bigger.
That he knew better than he was acting, and that he needed to really think about what type of person he wanted the people who love him to think of him as being.
This was all in a calm, loving, understanding, firm but disappointed father tone.
I could see Prince Charming fighting back tears… and answering “Yes sir” at points… and looking down to the floor for most of it, until the man got down on his knees in front of the chair the prince was sitting in to be down on his level… to get eye contact with him.
And I was left feeling not only like I wished I had a dad right now for me… but that I had one for talking to Prince Charming as well.
Not to beat him up or threaten him for hurting his daughter’s heart or anything… not a defending my honor dad…
But to be a dad to him too.
Sort of a sad feeling overall.
But I’m starting to think that mid-afternoon naps are good for mental processing! lol