I got a reply from the prince.
I won’t post it here for his privacy, but I sort of wish i could.
He takes responsibility for hurting me, and apologizes… and gives me the direct answer that I’d asked for, which was a specific thing that he was struggling with.
My jaw pretty much hit the floor.
That was pretty much the perfect response.
Granted, yes, my email had openly given him right where I was at, so he may well have just been reading from that and figuring that was what I wanted to hear…. but even if that were that case, he hit his target dead on with it.
It gives me a concrete reason to blame it on…. instead of the "feelings just changed" sort of answer…. that in my head changes into "i discovered that you actually suck".
It’s something that is a believeable answer, unlike many of the previous responses to things from him. It’s something that’s actually been considered on here previously, and that does actually make clear sense.
But the biggest thing of it is…. it lets me keep the belief that I was loved.
It lets me keep that what I felt from him prior to that point wasn’t just coming from my own hurt and gullability.
It lets me keep the happy loving moments as being just that, rather than moments I was the biggest idiot ever.
It lets me be loved, and thus loveable… capable of being loved.
That was some of the biggest hurt with the way that things had been before, is that in having to accept not being loved, I’d had to lose all of the good from the sweet and tender moments.
I’d had to replace it with a reality that was very cruel, that made those most tender moments into the most manipulated and most heartless moments.
This gently gave those back to me.
That made me cry… in a good way for a change!
I needed that.
I could have lived without it, yes… but emotionally…. that email feels like the greatest gift ever.
It may not have been the greatest thing for breaking the lingering attachments… it may not be the story I’ll hear later down the line if there is continued contact…
But the emotional healing it brought into some of the biggest aching areas was massive.