I feel myself sliding backwards.
Things had been moving forwards… moving on… letting go…
Accepting that while he once told me I was his world, that things have changed now and I’m now not someone he desires to have in his life at all.
Things were looking ok again.
That took a sharp change again… back into the world of missing him.
Back into the pit of hurting.
I can feel it not just in my feelings, but physically.
I’m tired. I have no motivation, towards anything. Sleeping and eating that had been getting better have again been getting worse.
I want to just curl up and cry… and as you could probably tell last night, the tears are starting to come back.
I know why it’s happening. There are a couple of factors in it.
I can feel it happening.
I just can’t shake it off.
I like to think that I can… that I control my own emotions. And most of the time, that’s true.
But it feels like I’m sliding back into the place where it isn’t. Which is frustrating.
I just can’t force the feelings into being what I want them to be, as much as I try to just ignore them and push through it back into the process of moving on.
My heart just is back to not being there.
It does me no good to be back in that place. It does nobody any good.
But it’s back to hurting.