Need, want, like

In a successful, long term relationship:

I need:

  • To feel that I am loved
  • To feel that I am important, that they would miss not having me in their life
  • To feel like we are both equal partners, even though one may be more dominant in some areas of life while the other may be dominant in others
  • To feel like when I do have strong opinions, that they matter and will be taken into consideration fairly… not always catered to, but given due weight
  • To feel like I have independence to stand on my own ground when I feel the need to do so even if they may not agree with my views
  • To be given time to myself when needed, particularly when stressed or after extended time dealing with crowds or large groups
  • To have love expressed to me physically in ways that besides those that are sexually charged
  • To have my partner understand that things with my family and with my child frequently change at the drop of a hat, often not for the good, and to be able to just shake their head most of the time rather than taking it too seriously
  • Someone who is able to allow me to be silly, creative, and sometimes even ditzy without thinking less of me for not always being logical and reserved
  • Someone who is able to accept that to me, spiritual things are valid and valued things, even if they have a more conservative viewpoint and do not place as much value on subjective experiential matters.

I want:

  • To feel I can trust my partner emotionally
  • To feel trusted by my partner
  • To feel like I can rely on my partner in tangible ways, such as being on time, and keeping commitments unless with good reason or mutual agreement to change the decision.
  • To feel that I am liked as I am, weight especially being a key point
  • To feel valued for my skills, even when they may not be "girly" things
  • To have some time spent together but not requiring heavy interaction, such as movies, or reading or working on different things in close proximity
  • To have some time spent in more in-depth, non-daily-life based conversations
  • To have a partner be understanding that sometimes my actions may be influenced by issues that are mostly in the past, and not an accurate reflection on the current situation, particularly in areas related to my family, fears of rejection, and unneeded caretaking reflexes
  • A balance between seriousness and silliness, neither one taking overwhelming dominance

I like:

  • Variety, in activities, in life in general.
  • Having support for my decisions in parenting even if it may not be the choice that they would make, and with my decisions and comfort levels regarding other relationships, family in particular
  • Having freedom to be flexible within certain limits
  • Having at least rough plans and expectations, even knowing that the final outcome will likely change

I do not like:

  • Doing this exercise!
  • Extended ruts, inability to do different things sometimes
  • To feel forced by rigid plans
  • Children and pets (especially dogs) that are allowed to have a great degree of negative impact on others without there being attempts made to resolve the situation

I do not want:

  • To be pushed into having opinions on things I really don’t care about, politics especially
  • To have to be social when I need to take a break and recharge, particularly when tired
  • To feel like because I am female, I have a certain role that I must conform to, in the household or life in general
  • To feel like I am being kept in the dark
  • To feel like I have to be perfect, or measure up to a higher standard, in order to win approval
  • To feel like my intelligence, opinions, or values are being discounted
  • To feel like my partner is putting me or themselves into unnecessary danger, such as drinking and driving, reckless driving, unsecured weaponry, general carelessness with fireplaces or electricity, etc
  • A feeling like I must always agree

I need to not have:

  • A feeling of being completely dependent on another, especially financially
  • Physical violence against me
  • Any even remote threat of physical harm against my child

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