In recap from here… the main three things provoking hurt right now..
1. Feeling unloveable, un-repairably broken.
2. Missing having the prince in my daily life.
3. Hurt over knowing that my pain is not shared.
Ok, so now they have names. (Ok, so it’s actually numbers…)
I at least know who I’m dealing with right now.
None of them are strangers on here by any means… and you could probably go back and easily label each recent post as to which ones were playing with me at that moment. There are some other factors that weigh in to them, but essentially, the driving force of the hurt is one of those three.
I read something in a book recently… that was actually not a book about breakups.
It said that you can not change your feelings. You can ignore them, or pretend they are different than they are, but not change them. (Yeah, I re-discovered that one recently…)
Feelings come from a mix of physical emotions responding to circumstances, thoughts, and behaviors.
You can’t change them directly.
But, by changing the factors that cause them, you can influence them indirectly.
Physical emotions I can’t change.
I also can’t make the circumstances causing those go away. Already tried my best. Making them go away is a call that only the prince can make, and quite honestly, the more I figure things out, the more I don’t even think it’s a call that’s in his power to make. Right now, his issues are frequently the ones calling the shots here. I know that he is working on that and greatly hurt by the fact that they are doing so, but until he has the controls back in his grasp, I don’t even think he has the ability to make that choice if he wants to. And while my impression is that he regrets the initial decision made my the issue, I’m not all that positive that he would have the desire to choose to correct that decision even if he did have the power to do so.
I can however introduce new circumstances into my life to cause other emotional reactions.
Thoughts are sometimes under my control to change, and sometimes not so much. And part of that is sometimes merely from forgetting that I do have a degree of control. It’s funny, thought distraction is generally my favorite diversion tactic in dealing with others who have lost emotional control, and yet, it’s the one that I’m frequently not very good at using on myself. Something to work on.
Behaviors are mostly under my control to change. I know that they are actually completely under my control, but to be realistic, there are times that there are other influencing factors including emotions that can completely derail that train in spite of myself. Wish that were not the case, but right now, wishful thinking doesn’t do me as much good as realistic assessment.
So…. these are the things that I can change. And those are the feelings that I want to change.
So now what’s needed is a plan of attack. Which is where I’m working right now.