Prince Charming is not the problem.
I know… I’ve been whining about him for the last 4 months..
But really, he is not the problem.
What he is doing is not the problem.
The problem is that what he is doing is causing me issues.
There are two parts of that. One part is what he is doing. I can’t control that.
The other part is that it’s causing me issues. That’s fully my ballpark.
That’s essentially where we’ve been going with therapy. Figuring out what the issues were that it has been causing, and figuring out how I can fix those.
The goal being…. that even when he’s at his worst… I’m the one in control of my own reactions.
Because, I can be and will be happy whether or not he is in my life.
It’s easy to take the shortcut here, and say "Just cut him completely out of your life, and he’ll have no influence to create issues."
I’ve spent a good amount of time thinking that, considering the facebook implications, trying to force him out of my life at times.
But, he isn’t the problem. The problem is that I’m letting it throw me off so badly.
I can shove him out to avoid having to deal with it… but eventually there will be a new somebody to recreate the problem.
I need to learn to disconnect my emotions from the undue influence of other factors.
I need to learn to be able to disconnect my emotions from being controlled by the influence of others, without completely disconnecting my emotions entirely. Without just pretending like they aren’t there, or forcing them away, or even completely disconnection my emotions for the person.
This, again, is an old issue…. a revisiting of an old battle once through conquered.
But it’s very different of a battle when there are deeply positive feelings connected to the person who has the undue control.
Cutting them off completely solves the problem now… but not forever. It will be back if I don’t learn to overcome it now, so might as well avoid future pain by working through it this round.
It doesn’t matter what Prince Charming is doing, good or bad. It doesn’t matter whether doors are open or closed.
It matters that I don’t have the controls.
I can be happy even if things with him never change. I can be at a calm place in my life, even when he is at his worst. I haven’t been to say the least. But I can be. I know this, I just need to learn to make it so.
That’s been sort of where things have been going… from the lessons in learning to add my own happiness to dim moments…. to learning that I do have the controls to do so even when they aren’t seeming to respond to my wishes.
It’s what we’ve been working on this week.
And… in one of those "everything is going according to plan" situations… it came into play yesterday right in perfect time.
But that, needs to be the next post. lol