Within Christianity, there tends to be an expectation that the only purpose in dating is to find a spouse.
I get that it does help to guard hearts, to help prevent teens especially from getting hurt.
But it’s one of the concepts that I really was glad to be rid of during the rebellion phase.
Sometimes dating can be just for recreation… for companionship and fun without the question being if this person is someone that I want to marry… as long as both parties hold that same expectation and are able to back off should they feel themselves changing that expectation rather than to allow attachment to form where it isn’t desired.
It’s not about looking towards this person’s potential in the future, it’s about enjoying the fun and company of being with them in the moment, and leaving it with no expectations or pressures towards the future.
I miss this.
It’s sort of a friends with benefits, but without benefits. A sort of a friends with affection added. A cuddle buddies partnership.
That level of companionship feels really appealing to me right now.
Enough to ease the loneliness… to give companionship… to fill in some of the empty times…
But not enough to create pressure to be at a place of detachment that I’m just not at yet… or to be able to consider someone as a life partner yet.
Right now, for my knee, I’m on some pain meds. Pain meds obviously reduce pain.
Pain has a purpose… to let you know that there is injury to prevent you from creating further damage, but after that awareness is there and the healing is in progress, the pain is not needed… it can be numbed for comfort while time and other measures do their work.
That’s kind of what I want on an emotional level.
I know there’s damage. I know there’s still a ton of healing needed before I can even look at falling in love again without it risking further damage.
But, most of that just needs time… for attachments to loosen, for new tissue to grow over the wound, for all of the mental issues and processing to settle.
But it hurts missing Prince Charming in my life while it does.
Maybe easing up some of the pain in areas where he is essentially replaceable even if it’s not anywhere near the same, will allow for a bit less sadness in letting the wounds heal in places where it doesn’t feel like he’s replaceable.
It may or may not speed the healing… but at least it may bring some comfort while time does its thing. I may still miss Prince Charming greatly, but at least I wouldn’t be feeling as alone and lonely.
That is, if my knee would heal enough to allow some recreational options to make it possible.
Part of me knows it’s not a good idea.
But it sure feels appealing to try.