I briefly mentioned a bit in the last post that there are exceptions to the introvert rule.
There is what is known as an anchor.
There have been 6 of them.
Anchors are people with whom my safety level with them is so high, that when I am with them, the defenses don’t trigger.
They don’t trigger with the person, but often, I can walk into a situation that would normally cause me to be a mess, and have it not bother me at all.
I feel safe enough with them that it covers the triggers that are normally caused by others.
These friends never see the introvert side, no matter where they are with me.
There was one instance where I was with one while we were doing something and met people who knew me from college classes. They openly commented about how weird it was to see me so talkative and relaxed, and she couldn’t believe their stories that it wasn’t my regular mode.
Actually, there aren’t any right now that are regularly in my life in person anymore, and one of the 6 is now deceased.
These are usually best friends… people that I’ve known for years and years and have a very tight bond with.
And Prince Charming.
I don’t know when it actually happened that he’d managed to reach that point, but I first noticed it on Black Friday… when we’d been around a bunch of crowds, situations that would normally bug me.
It didn’t phase me.
Normally doing even 1/4 of what we did would have had me needing a major people break.
Only one other person has reached that point in less than a year of knowing me.
None of them, ever, have been people I’ve dated. Only one of them has ever even been male, and he was more of a father-type mentor.
The whole trust issue with dating that I usually have is actually also a DSM criteria… theoretically, the prince should have been at one of the highest levels of anxiety… and it generally becomes quite a bit of a battle to overcome.
Instead, he became an anchor… in spite of the odds being really low of that happening even had I not been dating him.
And he did so in a record setting amount of time.
And with his own issues that should have also been throwing obstacles against that happening by giving it fair reasons to grab ahold of.
I didn’t have any idea how he’d managed to do so at the time… it was one of those things that sort of got marked up to a “soulmates” sort of thing.
But I’m even more in awe of the accomplishment now.
How in the world did he manage that?
That’s not something you can pull off with just charm, or even just with manipulation.
But maybe the bigger question, if I can figure it out, can I duplicate it? Is it part of who he is, or just something that he did?
I know… probably not the best idea to do so even if it is something he did and not just unique to him, and if I can figure out what that “something” is… but it would be good to know anyway… to have the choice to do so, but also to be aware should I have someone else taking that shortcut.
But I think I’d chosen to allow it with him even if I had known though… so maybe it wouldn’t help all that much to know anyway.