Being fair

The other issue I was having with the exercise mentioned in the last entry is that I didn’t feel like it was entirely being fair.

For example: Dependability (Respect of time)

The prince would easily hit 100%, with no qualms at all about giving him the perfect score on it. He was never late, and almost always early. Not just in the relationship, but I never saw him late as a coworker either. He would let me know occasionally that he thought he was going to be late, and then still arrive pretty much exactly on time.

The captain, well… there were two instances that I wasn’t notified that plans had changed to cancel a scheduled get together… including one in which he claimed to have fallen asleep, and yet, facebook showed that my message was read immediately after I’d sent it. (He wasn’t responding to texts, so I’d intentionally sent it on facebook to check if he got it, because it was so completely out of character, I was worried that something had happened.)

There was also two rounds of telling me to expect contact in a time frame that didn’t happen (as in, not even within several days of that time.)

And then there’s the meeting, when he showed up at a completely different time than the one that had been agreed upon.

So, the captain is pretty much blatantly disrespectful of my time.

I ended up giving him a 65% in that category.. after going back and forth between 75% seeming too high, and 60% seeming too low.

But, I don’t really feel like it’s entirely being fair.

What I mean by that is… he spent months and months of effort and concern on being dependable to be where he said he would be when he said he would be there. I don’t even have a guess as to how many times he followed through on his word perfectly.

The captain’s issue… was about 5 times. Not even the entire time that I was dealing with the captain. Just a handful of incidents.

If you combine the two based entirely on numbers, I’d say that probably still gives him a 98% rate of following through, maybe even higher.

And so, it seems really unfair to let just an isolated number of mistakes pull that massively at something that was build with so much extended reliability.

And yet… looking at the negative incidents… I really can’t imagine ever letting anyone else in my life, past or current, off the hook for doing the same thing. I’d have not likely even overlooked the first incident with the ignored facebook message… particularly when apologies for the incidents were not promptly issued proactively, or in some cases even offered at all until I brought the topic up.

Does it deserve to effect his score that much?


Trust is sometimes a lot easier to lose than it is to gain… so in that respect, that I could trust in him to not stand me up, without wondering if he was really going to come or really going to contact me, maybe it does.

And when I explained as much to my therapist, they’d responded that I may just be making excuses for the captain out of feelings of love for the prince. And maybe I am.

But I guess it just makes me sad to see the prince get so easily thwarted by the captain. To see how much of his well earned respect is easily trashed in just a brief time of mental anguish that I’m not entirely convinced he even has control over.


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