So, yes, as you can tell from some of the posts here of late, the past week or two has been a bit of a move backwards.
Yes, it’s not that long ago that every day was like that… but, it was notably worse than it had been recently.
But there’s something that wasn’t mentioned.
Back almost a month ago, I went back off the medications for depression and anxiety.
So, yes.. it wasn’t the best coping… but given that it didn’t have that benefit, I think it went better than I would have expected.
As I’ve discussed a bit here before, the meds are a bit of a debated thing with me. Yes, they help, but normally at a cost that I’m not willing to pay.
Normally, I can manage without them…. but when managing life itself got to be overly draining on it’s own, outsourcing that battle became a needed help. (Ok, and I’ll admit, I wasn’t doing the greatest even with that help!)
We’d gone to a new medication (after trying one that was more similar to the older one I was on)… that honestly, I liked. It wasn’t giving me any of the problems that the other two had. It wasn’t something I even actively noticed that I was on until it wore off or I forgot a dose.
Unfortunately, after a few months it started causing some significant medical side effects though, that even being on two major meds couldn’t counter.
I decided to try and see how it went off of it, rather than go off, wait for it to clear system, and start trying another again… given the dislike of the other ones.
Last week I wasn’t too sure I’d made the right choice… but, really, Christmas is always a rough time for me. Things ended with the fiance just after it, and a few years later I got my heart broken right before it. Adding in the usual relationship holiday stuff… it was going to be a rough spell either way. So, given the circumstances…. it wasn’t nearly as horrible as it could have been.
But… it’s over and done… and I made it.
I managed… even if not gracefully.
Without meds relieving a bit of the pressure even.
A bit more of a sign that things are going to be ok, eventually.
It may not be midday yet…. but the horizon is getting brighter. Finally. 🙂