There’s one rather interesting thing that has hit since being back off the meds.
The dreams have returned.
Or maybe they never left but I was sleeping through them before, and now they are waking me up again.
I explained one of them with some of the details way back.
Most of them aren’t quite so vivid that they throw me off that much. I don’t even know if even my subsconscious remembers the sound of his voice anymore.
I wouldn’t really call them nightmares… they aren’t particularly scary. They don’t yank on the emotional strings really harshly anymore.
Mostly, like that one, they are just sort of frustrating and somewhat confusing. They aren’t memories…. just sort of random scenarios involving K.
But they are more vivid than my standard dreams. I remember them much more frequently than normal with dreams.
And they generally wake me up.
But then, the fact that they wake me up may be why I remember them more and they seem more frequent.
Maybe they’ve been there all through this, and the meds were just helping me stay asleep through them, or maybe the meds were messing with sleep cycles and preventing them.
But either way… it’s just sort of odd having them back again now.
The intensity of the emotions after them isn’t there anymore, nor the desires to contact him positive or negative that followed those emotions.
But they are just sort of weird.
I guess my subconscious is just as confused as my conscious mind, and trying to make it make sense too with just as little luck?
I dunno. Guess I just hope it comes to some sort of resolution or truce or gives up or whatever soon.
They may not be something that’s traumatic anymore… but it’s still sort of annoying.