Walking or fighting

There’s always an art to choosing battles.

You don’t want to fight over every little thing… but on the other hand, you don’t want to be a doormat.

I hate conflict.

It’s one of my strongest stress triggers.

Which sometimes errs on the side of doormat.

Between being someone who tends to be easy going and not easily upset…. and being someone who hates conflict…. it takes a lot for me to be ready to go to war.

If my annoyance level is only at a 2, and my desire to avoid conflict is at an 8, I’m just not going to feel like fighting that battle… regardless of if I know it needs to be fought.

I think that sometimes baffles other people though as to why I’m not fighting.

There’s an extreme example with K… in which I’ve been advised by multiple people that after the captain behavior, I needed to be taking the situation to small claims court.
And I probably should have… and maybe even still should.
But, my level of annoyance most of the time isn’t high enough to even come close to the high level of desire to avoid conflict with him. Maybe as time passes that desire will drop enough to do so… I have about another 2 years should I choose to do so… but right now, I just don’t want to fight, regardless of his actions being wrong and completely disrespectful.

Work is a current example.

There’s some stuff going on… that has my annoyance at about 7.

I should be protesting it.

But… this is my job at the moment.

These are people I have to deal with extendedly.

These are people who have control of my ability to pay my bills, and who have the power to mess with my hours again, and to make the hours I’m there miserable if they chose to.

I just don’t want to risk the fight.

Especially with the emotional touchiness as a factor.

But the not fighting is making me weary. Which makes me less want to fight.

I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to continue without fighting.

But… not choosing one of those options make my other most likely options either being miserable, or walking away.

It seems odd… but honestly? I’d rather walk away than fight. Even when I know I should try fighting before resorting to walking.

Walking just seems so much less stressful.

But, then, I remember the job hunt.

It doesn’t make me more willing to fight. But it makes me feel better to start looking for the next direction to walk.


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