Well, I’ve found out that I need to have surgery on the knee.

They were hoping that it would tighten down as it healed and scar tissue formed… but decided that if it was still this loose at this point, it wouldn’t be getting tight enough to prevent future injury, which would just require the surgery happen at that point.

My feelings are very mixed.

On one hand, I know that it’s needed, and long overdue. I’ve been fighting with this issue since the 5th grade. It’s finally being taken seriously, and being dealt with.

And I’d rather deal with it now, than to face another re-injury and then deal with it.

But, on the other hand… it’s scary.

It will be painful.

There’s no promise it will completely cure everything.

I’ve just now gotten to where I can walk halfway normally again… and still can’t do a lot of tasks.

This basically means starting all over again on the healing process.

It means going back into being dependent on others for help again. Back into losing independence. Back into having to bargain.

But.. there’s also the risk.

Yes, it’s a low risk surgery… being done at an outpatient center, not the hospital. I’ll be home that afternoon, no overnight stay.

But… there’s other factors.

Of my mom and brother, both have had surgeries that have required later additional surgeries, and have had ones that were unsuccessful.

Then there’s the fact that the one other time I’ve had surgery, the c section when my daughter was born it was also supposed to be a low risk situation.

Instead, I ended up on life support.

And… then there’s my dad.

Routine hip replacement surgery, and he passed away.

I’m nervous.

But I know it’s needed.


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