Pressure remnants

And in completely the opposite note of the last post…

It’s also amazing how long things stick around once we’ve gotten used to responding a certain way.

The work situation is a whole ‘nother discussion… but, recently, I had a job interview.

It was for another department… in another building entirely… in another field completely.

But it was still a "clerk" classified position.

Now, if you’ve been around here a while, you remember the really rough job searching spell. The rounds of interviews never turning into anything but a rejection letter.

So, it might not surprise you that this ended up filling me with fear, and stress, and worry.

Feeling like I’m a total loser, nowhere near where I’d like to be in anything, feeling like I did everything I could to try and avoid being right where I am…

But.. really?

I mean, even with the job situation, it’s not like there was any pressure with this interview.

Yes, it would have been more stable, and a pretty good sized increase in income.

But worse case scenario was that things stayed exactly the same as they were.

There was no real risk here. No lack of ability to provide that might come from messing it up.

No reason this should have been terrifying.

But, well, it was anyway.

Even when I knew it had no real harm.. at all..

For so long, it did.. and with such high stakes and poor results… that there was just no convincing my system that it didn’t anymore.

Reprogramming back out of fear is hard.

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