From eggshells to defense

For years, I would only make left turns at places with arrow signals, or when no other cars were in sight.

Given that I lived a block off of a major street, this made for a lot of looping around blocks to take a backstreet to where I could turn right instead.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t make them… it was the I always felt like I was inconveniencing the drivers that might be behind me too much, knowing that I tended to be more cautious, and knowing how frustrated drivers get while waiting on someone.

I was too worried about being a frustration to other drivers that I was willing to go through quite a bit of extra work for myself to avoid the chance.

Then life hit.

I got older, and I stopped really caring I think.

People became more of a background item… just something that was there, like the trees and the buildings.

I finally had managed to reassure myself that I had just as much right to be using the road and to wait until I felt it was safe to proceed as anyone else did, and that if that made someone annoyed at me, that was their own responsibility to deal with.

But as life has continued, I think I’ve entered a new phase.

The people as threats phase.

They have gone from being something to walk on eggshells a bit to avoid provoking… to being something to pretty much let worry about themselves… to now being something I sometimes find myself needing defense against.

Parking lots especially. There are times I want to just peep my horn repeated through the entire lot, just to get people to actually notice that my truck exists and refrain from taking actions that are going to smash into it unless I dodge them.

I find myself wishing I had a polite way to go “excuse me, but I’m using this lane right now…. Could you please either continue to use the other lane you are mostly occupying or wait just a second until I’m done with this lane and you can use it right behind me?”

With the old Taurus, I’ve joked that I want to turn it into an artcar… if its old and beatup and not worth much anyways, why not have some fun, decorate it, and see if people at least notice it enough to flip them out of their oblivion and get them to avoid hitting it.

I notice it most with driving… but honestly… the view extends to people in general too.

I’ve gone from trying to stay out of everyones way when grocery shopping, even avoiding aisles when they have more than a couple of people on them…. To realizing I’m just as entitled to use of the space as they are… To feeling like the world is set on plowing me over by total self-absorbtion.

I’m sorry… but yes, I’m looking at the cat litter right now. You have more than enough space to go around me… or can wait the 30 seconds until I’m done… but smacking your cart into mine and giving me a dirty look as you have to lift your box of litter an extra couple of feet because you decided not to give me a minute to deal with mine is completely unneeded.

What happened to this world?

Or I’m I just getting older?


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