So why the secret?
Well, honestly… I just don’t feel like fighting.
One thing that I’ve noticed both with the attempt at returning to school and in the relationship with K is how many of my "support" people aren’t actually cheering for me.
They don’t wish me well when they disagee or don’t take their advice as golden… nor do they hold any respect for my decisions or feelings at all really.
Basically, a lot of them just seem to be waiting to be able to say they told me so and I should have done it their way.
It’s not a team of cheerleaders… it’s a team holding popcorn and hoping for a show.
I just don’t feel like dealing with it.
If they aren’t going to be of any support to me anyway, why even bother telling them when I know it’s just going to frustrate me when they poke holes and try and prove it’s an awful idea rather than being supportive or helpful?
Silence is far better than what in some cases pretty much boils down to mocking or bullying.
And so, I find it that when I’m talking to a random home depot staff member who decided to make sure I knew I was buying different diameters of metal conduit that wouldn’t connect…. I’m more than happy to tell him that I’m turning them into windchimes and tell him about what I’m trying to do.
The people who are closer to me, well, not so much.
My mom and daughter know to some extent… but I quickly reached the realization with my mom that she doesn’t have the same vision, and stopped the conversation any more than needed.
For example: I’d purchased a cheap dollar store wind toy that I knew I could make of aluminum and paint it pretty and make an awesome variation inspired by it to sell as an eventual product. I showed it to her, and she kept pushing that I should just buy the dollar store items and try and pass them off as mine, or just go sell them at the flea market at a profit where they don’t care where they came from.
Buying cheap junk made in china and hawking it to people looking for cheap junk is not anywhere close to my goal here. At all. I could work at walmart again or even at the dollar store and have a much less stressful and more stable job doing that.
So it’s just pointless to try and push vision on someone who doesn’t get it and doesn’t see it just to then hope for support for it.
So she knows the idea and has several prototypes of various items hanging around her porch, but its just easier to keep her out of the loop on all of the efforts and investments and details of what I’m doing and where I’m aiming.
In contrast, my former stepdad does know a bit more, because I did want to make sure he was on board just in case the jerk neighbor flared up and complained about windchimes chiming while I was testing versions and such. Even when in the past he has been one of the least supportive people in my life… and surprisingly, he actually was pretty impressed with what he saw. So he was told a bit more about the vision, the target audience, the ideas of directions on future items and of a couple more major items I need to invest in.
It’s just sort of a weird flip that I’m more comfortable sharing vision with people the more further away from me they are.
I just don’t feel like fighting and defending.
Especially when I’m intentionally going with a whimsical name for purposes of being easily remembered and giving a playful tone…. rather than something that people will forget just as soon as they turn around but that would sound more like a boring professional name. People who don’t know me smile… and yes, even the hardware store clerk remembered it the next time I was in… but somehow I get the feeling there will be eyerolls from those closer that I just don’t even feel like putting up with anymore.
So I guess it sort of comes down to knowing that there isn’t likely to be a cheerleader’s ra-ra, but at least I don’t have to listen to the mocker’s ha-ha.