Another opinion

Tomorrow is the long awaited second opinion appointment on my knee.

It’s 11pm, I’m tired, but can’t sleep.

I know that things are not entirety right with the knee.

What I don’t know is if I’ll be taken seriously, or written off as just a fat chick that needs to lose weight to make her knees feel better.

I trust my new general doc, and thus it’s the orthopedic doc she is referring me to, so I assume she has good reason.

But, still.

My track record with medical people, and with knee issues being taken seriously, is horrible.

Right now, I can almost walk normal with just an occasional limp, but only if I’m on two different meds.

Unfortunately, because I’ve been on the anti inflammatory meds since the ankle injury several years back now, my body isn’t dealing well with the meds, and my blood pressure is skyrocketing while on them.

So the meds are out of the picture..
Which is making it very clear that there are still unresolved issues when it’s been more than a year, and I’m barely able to walk when not on the meds.

The replacement meds aren’t helping a whole lot.

The surgeon tried steroid injections into the knee last week…which was massively painful for several days… Then did help some, but not a ton.

Things should be getting better than this by now.

But when I was trying to explain the pain and resistance to the surgeon, one of his statements was along the lines of "this knee is never going to feel exactly like the other one". As if he thought I was being too unreasonable on expectations and just whining.

But I know that it’s not unreasonable to expect function.

I know it’s not unreasonable to be able to expect to walk through a store to purchase cheese for dinner even if it’s at the end of my work day.

My daughter and I went to a concert the other night, and I fought back tears from the pain twice to tough it out… And came to the realization that I’m not physically able to handle concerts at this venue right now.

I’m failing to hold them back tonight, because I fear otherwise they may attack tomorrow.

Is there a polite way to say "my insurance and I are paying you well to at least pretend to care and to take my issues seriously regardless of my weight"?

Cuz a lot of times anymore, that feels like it might be the unreasonable expectation.

I wish there were a service to hire a warrior. To hire someone to go along and be powerful and intimidating enough to make the staff actually notice and care and treat me like it matters that I’m in pain and fighting limiting obstacles that shouldn’t be there.

Because it doesn’t seem like they frequently do when it’s just me.

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