Today has been one seriously rough day.
The morning chaos started with kiddo refusing to get up… And ended with my decision that I wasn’t prepared to do the booth completely alone (particularly physically setting up), and deciding to cancel for today.
Actually, it probably technically stayed with the fact that I barely slept at all and was already about an inch from a nervous meltdown even before the battle started.
So… Things sort of fell to pieces.
Tears were shed… An extremely alone in the world feeling pity party was held…
Let’s just say the mood for the day was extremely lousy, and some stupid family drama coming in on top just made things worse.
The plan right now is to regroup and try again next week instead of waiting until the next date we had scheduled next month. I think it’s going to work out better, and hopefully give us both a chance to feel better prepared and less in over our heads.
It also gives me a chance to look into wheels/wagon for aiding in set up, and figure out my best strategy to go it alone.
But I really don’t want to.
But, like many things… I’m thinking it may come down to a question of whether I’d prefer to go it alone, or just prefer to give up… Because those may be the only two real options.
Sometimes, like today, it sort of feels like life in general only gives those two options.
But, when it comes down to it… I’m reminded of one of the things I’d read regarding abandonment… That pointed out that if they were capable of abandoning you, you were always really alone and doing it on your own anyways but without realizing you were.
While it meant in the direction of k, and does apply there… I think it applies just as much to the friends lost in the process.
Like outgrown training wheels, they appeared to be there, but only because I didn’t really need to put any weight on them. But if they weren’t able to take any weight when they were actually tested, then they weren’t actually being used previously anyway beyond just the mental boost of thinking they were there.
I’m going to bed now… And hoping that doing so just sort of erases this day completely.