Mixed feelings of return

I have mixed feelings about this page… About writing on here.. About making things public.

On one hand, between this page and the open diary page that was before, it’s been an ongoing story, evolving as it goes and as each new chapter unfolds. A chronicle of what has been.

On the other side stands the stark reality. For a long time, this page functioned as a pathetic accommodation for so called friends who couldn’t actually be bothered to keep up with my life and my thoughts if it meant actual interaction with me.

This is a large part of why I stopped making anything public or hitting publish.

Let’s face it, if you never ever comment, but sometimes just randomly tell me your thoughts on mine at some random time instead of actually interacting, that’s basically reading as entertainment.

Either that, or stalking.. but given that I was willingly putting up with it..

I don’t know… But what I do know is that when I stopped easily providing, very very few were willing to make even minimal effort to seek out what was going on in my life.

And so have almost entirely been removed from that life.

But, with this few posts, it’s not too likely that anyone outside of the few remaining subscribers are reading anyway.

At one point in my life, I cared about who was reading, and the possibility of those in my real life reading and taking things the wrong way. To attempt to minimize the damage of a dysfunctional dramatic family and the possibility of ghosts of the past finding ammo to use against me.

This is not that time. This is the time of my life that I couldn’t care less what they think. If they are hurt or offended it whatever, good. They probably should be, and maybe it’s not that they shouldn’t be on my virtual page but actually that they shouldn’t be in my real life. (You know who you are, but probably will never understand why.)

And 15 years later, the ghosts have no real bite anymore.

I make no promises here. But we may see how it goes.

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One thought on “Mixed feelings of return

  1. tlc4women says:

    I am still reading and still praying and although I’m not a real life friend, you and your daughter often come to mind and I wonder how you’re both doing.

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