What to do with a year

So, it looks like most likely I’ll have a year between the classes that just ended and the next classes within the college program.

And I know that usually when God pulls stuff like that it’s for a reason and there is a purpose behind it.

But what exactly that is I’ve yet to find out. What am I supposed to do with this year?

What do you do with a spare year of time to kill when you are broke and have a kid? It’s not exactly feasible to do a gap year thing and go travel or go do missions or something.

Financially… I need to get a job. But, given the previous failures at this.. I can’t say I have much optimism. I actually couldn’t even get hired at a 2 month seasonal position that paid minimum wage watering plants and running cash register at a tent for a greenhouse this summer… though at least I made it through both rounds of interviews to be considered.

I know better than to even mention before hired that I don’t expect it to last beyond a year, but, if it pays well, would I even have the confidence in future jobs to be brave enough to leave? School also involves clinicals after the first semester, so working full time through classes is pretty much completely out.

But then, maybe this is actually a way of this path ending, but putting it into my hands to accept this and follow through with making the choice to close the door. There have been lessons and purposes enough in the past year that I can see where its possible that school has already fulfilled its true reason, even if not fulfilling its “get a job” apparent reason.

They recommend in the letter that I take the chemistry and other theology class required during the year to get them out of the way. But, killing time with classes only sounds nice until you look at the numbers. The student loans through the government have a lifetime limit for the undergraduate level, even if you’ve already paid part of the previous ones off…. and with my previous classes, plus this past year of pre-reqs, plus the anticipated cost of two more years at a private college…. I’m already going to be getting pretty close to the line before it’s all said and done.

So I really don’t know right now.

Why are things like this never obvious and clear to me?


Ear, the cat-less edition

Well, last time I was discussing my ears it was because I had a cat attacking one, while I was considering getting a flame tattoo behind the other.

The cat doesn’t attack it anymore.

And I haven’t gotten the tattoo yet. But remember that ear…

Because its been all gooped up with fluid in the middle ear for the past few days. Not exactly an ear infection, just fluid… glue ear as some people call it. Makes it sound like you are underwater…. things are kinda muffled and your own voice kinda echos.

Now this isn’t the first time I’ve had this happen. Its happened before because of allergies acting up.

But this is winter. My allergies aren’t acting up. And this is only one ear. And my throat isn’t sore like usually comes before the ears get issues (from the drainage).

For that matter, I don’t even have a runny or stuffy nose.

Just one ear with goop in it.

Normally I would not particularly find this that odd. But with the recent foot thing.

And several recent prayers lately… since the foot thing, and more specifically the prayer… I’ve been asking to hear God more clearly and directly… asking him to help me identify and remove obstacles that are preventing it.. to help me tune in to his voice above all the racket, because I know he speaks even when I can’t hear it clearly because of all the background noises in my head/life…

So, to summarize, I’ve been praying to hear God better…. and now just the ear that I was going to get a flame tattoo behind, for the symbolism with listening to the holy spirit, is now gooped up with fluid making everything I hear in it muffled and garbled. With none of the other symptoms normally present.

Just two weeks after a foot injury that I began to suspect was partially just to get me to deal with other issues.

I only suspected with the foot… in spite of the dead-on accuracy of the prayer of a man who barely knows me. But with this… if it isn’t supernaturally provoked, it’s just too incredibly oddly cooincidental to not have symbolic influencing in it at the very least.

So now… the question is…. what do I do about it? Prayer has not helped thus far. I was kinda expecting it to abruptly clear today during worship or something, but no dice there either.

I’ve been taking the meds I was told to use previously for it… for the last three days… with no clearing apparent. And the tube isn’t blocked, I can pop my ears, so air is able to get through back and forth… the fluid just isn’t draining. So I’m reluctant to go to a doctor about it unless it gets really bad.

I wonder how weird of a look I would get calling the church later this week asking to see a pastor because my ear is goopy because two weeks ago a pastor prayed for my foot and ended up directly answering my unspoken battles from earlier in the week instead. I mean, yes, people call pastors for weird things all the time… but that really just sounds so much like an issue-laden obsessive person reason. I like to think I’d a bit more sane and balanced than that.

But this is just so out there. And most of my friends are of more conservative beliefs…. they already think I’m nuts on the ankle thing.

So, it seems a bit doubley ironic that I’m at a loss of direction on how to deal with something that seems to be symbolically if not directly physically related to wanting to hear clearer direction.

I wonder if that’s a “no”.

Ship directions and wind (life direction)

wind blows in a certain direction, no matter what
direction the sail of a boat may be pointed.

but the only difference between a boat that is going
full speed ahead, and the one that is going backwards,
is the orientation.

you can try and go against the wind. and you may even
hold your ground using your own power to try and fight
against the wind.

but if everything seems to be losing ground, maybe its
time to stop and make sure that you don’t have your
boat pointed the wrong direction.

the same power that was so overwhelming just might be
the power you needed to have pushing you ahead with a
change of your objective.